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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: deaddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: demonic
    ASL Info:    14 m usa
    Elite Ratio:    3.03 - 10/11/3
    Words: 78
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 267
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 469



    Description:
       well tell me what you think i did this one today when i got upset over little things and remebered bigger things


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsdeaddots
    -------------------------------------------


    my soul is slowly slipping from my grasp

    im slowly dieing thinking of my past

    i rasp my head against the wall until i unconsiencly fall

    above all in all knowing im dead in side

    waiting for the pulsing pain to subside

    crying there i lay

    killer instincs come in to play

    psycho side of mind takes control of this ryme

    takes control over my dead soul




    Submitted on 2005-09-13 16:15:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I thought the flow was a little off, and the point of it it all was unclear... scratch that. The point of it all was missing. I think you could be a very good writer ( it takes a good writer to ryme words - I usually dont). you just need to pick something to write about that has a purpose/point.
    | Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by Drea | [ Reply to This ]
      mm rhyme is a bit forced if you kno wat i mean...

    and try typing it into Word first and running a spellcheck on it becuz of all the spelling errors... not that i should be talking cuz i don't do that and i'm a really horrible speller... but just a tip! ^.^

    short and straight to the point. nice.
    | Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by LoneWolf | [ Reply to This ]



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