Breathing Underwater by LoneWolf

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Submission Name: Breathing Underwater dots

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Author:	LoneWolf
ASL Info:	16/F/Earth
Elite Ratio:	4.35 - 136/108/19
Words:	121

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	215
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	770

Description:
k well i have had this idea for quite a while and finally decided to put it on paper! it's prbly not my best work cuz once again, i'm actually trying to convey a message... so maybe it sucks a bit. but i think it's ok (lol if i do say so myself... which i do)

read and enjoy..... or don't

Breathing Underwater dots

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Water so clear and soft
Sparkling and shining in the sun
Hold my body aloft
As i whirl and twirl for fun
My eyes open and i see aquatic ferns
Rainbow fish darting to and fro
My lungs are starting to burn
Yet deeper still, I go
Never going back to the hellhole called 'home'
Floating away to the welcoming sea
Fish can nibble my flesh from my bones
When I'm finally, eternally free
My head is spinning
I can't see straight
I know, deep down, I'm winning
The battle with all of my hate
The flames are spreading nonstop
I give my last, silent shout
Bubbles carry my cry to the top
I breathe, and the fire is put out

Submitted on 2005-09-13 19:15:15 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Ooo that is awesome. I love it.
The ending is marvelous

"Bubbles carry my cry to the top
I breathe, and the fire is put out"

It's a lot better than just "ok." But I hear that people always think their own stuff is worse than it really is. I think that's true.

Anywhoo, as I always say (because it just feels so wrong if I don't lol), Great job

-nikkki
| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
  This one was really good too. I loved the last few lines and the idea of the 'last cry' the whole metabolic connection here is very cool and for lack of a better pharse "easy to relate to" though I wish I could think of better words right now but I'm drawing up blank..oh well just know that this one was better than my comment went into saying. nice write.
PEace
| Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem i can relate very easy too

It shows a person who has been thru hell in life so he choses somewhere anywhere in this case the Ocean to throw all his built up anger and hostility in too

It also tells me that there was so much of it that it almost drowned him but alas he came to the surface for air
ready to live a new and more rewarding life
That is the feelings I got from this write
Fantastic Job
Take Care
Ron

And thanks for your recent comments I appreciate them
| Posted on 2005-10-31 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  Well...I didn't read this poem because you told me not to in the description above...but I'm sure it was really awesome...
| Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by The Imbroglio | [ Reply to This ]
  hmmm... it almost seems metaphoric for you trying to get away from everything like home and stuff... but you didn't know the consequences and pain. It is kinda similar toa poem i wrote claled "Butterfly"

Butterfly
Why
Do you cry?

When you are free to fly
With wings of silk, you flutter and float
A picture of freedom
Where do you sleep at night?
Do you ever rest from flight?

Butterfly,
Why
Do you cry?

You have no home,
But you are free
You have no family
But you can be what you want to be
You have no responsibility
But there is non one there for you.

I know
Why
You cry.

good write!
~Amanda
| Posted on 2005-09-13 00:00:00 | by AmandaLyn | [ Reply to This ]

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