Description: k well i have had this idea for quite a while and finally decided to put it on paper! it's prbly not my best work cuz once again, i'm actually trying to convey a message... so maybe it sucks a bit. but i think it's ok (lol if i do say so myself... which i do)
Water so clear and soft
Sparkling and shining in the sun
Hold my body aloft
As i whirl and twirl for fun
My eyes open and i see aquatic ferns
Rainbow fish darting to and fro
My lungs are starting to burn
Yet deeper still, I go
Never going back to the hellhole called 'home'
Floating away to the welcoming sea
Fish can nibble my flesh from my bones
When I'm finally, eternally free
My head is spinning
I can't see straight
I know, deep down, I'm winning
The battle with all of my hate
The flames are spreading nonstop
I give my last, silent shout
Bubbles carry my cry to the top
I breathe, and the fire is put out
This one was really good too. I loved the last few lines and the idea of the 'last cry' the whole metabolic connection here is very cool and for lack of a better pharse "easy to relate to" though I wish I could think of better words right now but I'm drawing up blank..oh well just know that this one was better than my comment went into saying. nice write. PEace
It shows a person who has been thru hell in life so he choses somewhere anywhere in this case the Ocean to throw all his built up anger and hostility in too
It also tells me that there was so much of it that it almost drowned him but alas he came to the surface for air ready to live a new and more rewarding life That is the feelings I got from this write Fantastic Job Take Care Ron
And thanks for your recent comments I appreciate them
hmmm... it almost seems metaphoric for you trying to get away from everything like home and stuff... but you didn't know the consequences and pain. It is kinda similar toa poem i wrote claled "Butterfly"
Butterfly Why Do you cry?
When you are free to fly With wings of silk, you flutter and float A picture of freedom Where do you sleep at night? Do you ever rest from flight?
Butterfly, Why Do you cry?
You have no home, But you are free You have no family But you can be what you want to be You have no responsibility But there is non one there for you.
Submission Name: Breathing Underwater
