Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Deep


Author: the apocrypha
Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 185 /192 /48
Words: 52
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1141
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 402



Description:


First submitted poem in...three months?


Deep



Silhouettes dansantes
Sur les rideaux
À minuit

Chants are aimlessly wandering
Through the city
Sobs are softly sinking
In concrete walls
In hunger, the night
Is silently stalking
For those miseries

Comme la lumière des étoiles
Qui se noie dans la mer
The small hours are starving
For depsair




Submitted on 2005-09-14 04:18:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  This just sounds so very enchanting even though I only understand half of it since it is in a foriegn language...But that makes it more mysterious. -Lindel
| Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by LRRolins | [ Reply to This ]
  It's a lot to grasp in a such a short poem. It does make you wonder however, what exactly you are talking about. Me, I like to be stumped in a sense but only if I can figure it out later. People don't like to be confused. I think you should go fill in a few blanks and be a little more concrete instead of abstract.
| Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by FoxxyRoxxanne | [ Reply to This ]
  Just a few questions to fill in the blanks! What miseries are wondering? I want to know more it just seems too short.
~Krystina~
| Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by takenspiritwind | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



74255