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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fuck Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 789
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 852



    Description:
       I was pissed. What more is there to say?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFuck Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Fuck you for all you've put me through,
    For breaking everything I've known.
    Fuck you for all the tears I've cried,
    And every hour spent alone.
    Fuck you for every single touch,
    And every happy smile.
    Fuck you for every lie you told,
    And every bullshit denial.
    Fuck you for all the times you made me come.
    And fuck you for every beat
    Of this traitorous heart that still whispers your name.
    Fuck you for ever being sweet.
    Fuck you for still looking like that,
    And refusing to let me go.
    Fuck you for holding my heart in your hands,
    And then having the audacity to tell me no.
    Fuck you for every condom we used,
    For whispering in my ear.
    Next time you feel like fucking me again.
    You won't find me here.




    Submitted on 2005-09-14 09:59:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      wow f*ck you ten times and one variation, very impressive swearing abilities you have there. you must have a doctorate in swearology! and the raw intense burning anger my word! I felt the heat all that way here in Long beach California! maybe you need more of those it didn’t seem to be enough heck you could have just put f*ck you one after the other about 150 times and released it, who cares right? it is a vent. ok before I leave here I have to give you some corrections just two one is “evey” on line 7 it should be “every” and on line 11 you have “traitorious” I believe you were looking for “traitorous” “traitorious” sounds like a made up word for a traitorous conquest won! I say one heck of a hellishly mad write more f words please hey why don’t you make an oh crap poem of course with the “s” word that could display disappointment or maybe BS for your doubt and skepticism. oh I know God damn it poem your anti-religious piece! that would be the freaking bomb there! and the people shall love it! look someone gave you a best 5 out of 5! must be a big fan of the f word ha ha so am I at times but with a little more creativity. have a nice day and remember f the world!

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2005-11-05 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very angry, yes. As far as poems go this is a start. All you really did was write down F you for this and F you for that, but you gotta do what it takes to get the point across, I suppose.
    | Posted on 2005-09-24 00:00:00 | by ParanoidParadox | [ Reply to This ]
      Ooo I love it. Wow. There isn't even much more that I can say. I'm kind of speechless here. The end is my favorite:

    "[censored] you for every condom we used,
    For whispering in my ear.
    Next time you feel like [censored] me again.
    You won't find me here."

    The whole thing is so honest and strong. Very well written. ...AND i like the word f*ck lol so thats a bonus Great job

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      ah see these kinda poems are completely necessary when you are getting over someone...I have written one or many like this and this just shows me that you are on schedule for the healing...so be happy and be proud! Loves ya

    Jazmine
    | Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Yea, I guess you were pissed! LMAO!

    I loved how you not only cursed him for the lousy things he did put for the ways he made you feel good as welll

    Nicely done!

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      Hahaha I love when people tell it like it is. This was really good it had me rolling on the floor (im sorry this is probably something that you've cried over but how you told it was just completely hysterical). Kuddos Raivn. Good job.
    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      lol...i just read your description :)...this is good ...another short but enough said piece...i like the monotonony mostly lol...although i kinda got so used to reading f you that it didnt have the same impact as it did at the start...but still it was very good and i enjoyed it...
    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      I love that ending! You did a great job with this little piece. Sometimes it's the only word that can emphasize the amount of anger that you need to express. I like using it myself...and I liked how you used it for it's variety of meanings in your write. Nice job!
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      Well don’t hold back…tell it like it is

    Very fine use of one of my more favored words – Seriously, this was good. An excellent vent that actually reads well…and very nice last line

    I like the way you wrote this, I probably would have written “F*uck you” and then listed the rest…sort of like: F*ck you:
    For all you’ve put me through
    Breaking everything I’ve known
    All the tears I’ve cried”… etc. then again…seeing as how f*cking much I like the word, I can see using it all the way through…
    Very well done – I like
    Lisa
    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      all i can say is that this poem is awsone. don't mean to sound cheesy, but i can realte so much. just take a look at my stuff. lol. well i really feel that you have a lot of talent. i caN TELL THAT THE WORDS JUST FLOW FROM YOUR BRAIN TO YOUR PAPER, BECAUSE THIS DOSEN'T LOOK LIKE IT TOOK YOU VERY LONG TO WRITE. BUT. THATS A GOOD THING, BECAUSE THAT MEANS THAT YOU JUST HAVE THE NATURAL TALENT, AND YOU CAN WRITE MASTERPIECES.
    KEEP UP ALL THE GOOD STUFF
    MUAH, AND MUCH ADMIRATION
    LAURIE
    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by ladinyte | [ Reply to This ]


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