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    dots Submission Name: A Tattooed Angeldots

    Author: wallya20
    ASL Info:    18/m/Bahamas
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 113/68/26
    Words: 185
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 932
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1148

       Soemone told me i was capable of much more on my scripted death well heres the true story.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Tattooed Angeldots

    The stereotypical white wings with the golden halo
    Someone that holds you and keeps you safe
    Someone to make the sadness go away.
    Must be pleasant to have an angel like that
    I think maybe I had one, now jaded
    Her feathers are long gone
    Her wings are broken and contorted
    Coated in tattoos that speak stories of a troubled boy
    Venting has become a primary part of my life
    It’s what I do
    Emotions swathe me everyday
    I am disregarded
    Invisible in everyone’s eyesight
    Please someone just listen
    Please…I have cried all my tears

    The angel’s tears cry their own tears,
    Tears of blood formed a lake in which my distress is stored
    It’s the biography of a lost soul

    I shriek everyday
    But it seems like my words are gone with the wind
    No acknowledgement leads to idle thoughts of suicide
    Insecurity is my life in an envelope
    My angel has forsaken me
    She is tattooed with my sorrow
    Her lips blackened from my grief
    I guess its time for my scripted death

    Submitted on 2005-09-14 13:10:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hmmm looking at your titles I should have been able to guess from the titles the answer to my earlier question;) lol anyway I before even reading this I liked the title, probably because it could have been followed by so many different concepts. This was really good and I think if I had to choose I'd pick this one over scripted death but only because it sounds more poetic, your wording was just more unique. This wasn't the darkest thing I've read but it's not like it was cheery, I can't tell you how to feel tho, I hate when ppl comment with stuff like "it's too dark", half the purpose of writing is to express what you are feeling, not try to make yourself feel something else. I really see talent in your writes and who knows, a few more and you could end up being one of my favorite writers on here, there were alot of good lines in this one but I guess my two favorites are,
    "It’s the biography of a lost soul" and
    "She is tattooed with my sorrow"
    I'm not sure exactly what it was but there was something in those two lines that really stuck out in my mind, probably becuz I've used similar wording and I love finding new ways to say things. I find it funny that in both of our writes we use the opposite gender to express our "angels" dunno I'm weird but I just noticed that. anyway very good write, can't wait to read more.
    take care,

    | Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Even though the storms rush in with this, and it screams out for something...anything, I still feel a peace towards the end, as if somehow you've come to a realization, a means to an end, no matter how morbid that end may be.

    I love the way you use your 'guardian angel', describing how you've cursed her with your own life, how because of you, she's scorned and tattered.

    She is tattooed with my sorrow
    Her lips blackened from my grief

    These were my two favorite lines. Just in these two lines you explain so much, you paint a picture so vivid. Great write.

    | Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by SorrelsReality | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this peice, very well written..Something I've realized from reading a couple of your pieces is the feel of your poems, maybe its just me, but they get under my skin in a good way, makes me feel something for once. The flow was really good, but mostly I love your description and writing, and pain.

    "I am disregarded
    Invisible in everyone’s eyesight
    Please someone just listen
    Please…I have cried all my tears"

    I know what it feels like not to be seen, to be ignored..invisible to everyone..not very fun..But I have to reach my limit of tears, they keep coming, without control, I like it best that way sometimes, when I blur my eyes it makes everything just go away..Anywho I Truly loved this piece, Keep your chin up, hope is out there I guess, My best wishes with life, Take Care!

    | Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      Damn!! This was very, very powerful. You had a lot to say about your life and the way you said it is was really caught my attention. I love the imagery in this poem. Contorted wings, biography of a lost soul, those are the kinda of descriptions I look for while reading poetry. They're short but if you look closely full of meaning and details. You definately have talent for that kind of writing and I really enjoyed it. I also love that it did not sound complaining at all, the way most of these types of poems sound like. It was very powerful and doesn't let the reader go. Really makes the reader care about the s.hit happening in your life, instead of making him roll his eyes and go on to forget about this poem. This was my favorite line by far here

    "She is tattooed with my sorrow"

    That right there is brilliant. It's the kind of stuff I live for when reading poetry. Very, very powerful and vivid. The idea of being tattooed with someone else's sorrow or problems or being burdened by them was made very clear in this highly descriptive and original line. I loved this poem, a favorite.
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this I'm really loving the rhythm and flow, a flowing rhyme does'nt work with every piece and i'm glad you stayed away from that. The images are strong almost intoxicating especially the image of the angels tear's crying their own tears it just shows deep pain and suffering (this was my fav. line as well).

    Good job,
    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this is very dark but very well written...there are some very powerful images and words in this piece...you do have talent...and all i can say is if thats how you are feeling right now...hang in there...stormy
    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]

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