done lost by jermwerm

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: done lost dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	jermwerm
ASL Info:	26/m/FRESNO CA
Elite Ratio:	4.29 - 203/268/83
Words:	209

Class/Type:	Deep Thought/Fuck it all
Total Views:	1788
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1110

Description:

done lost dots

-------------------------------------------

Well here's a poem to catch your sight, I hope you like it' quite alright. But nevermind I almost forgot, Hell, there is no hope not even light.

I writethis though to pass the time, to pass what does not exist does not combind. I write this now cause I'm lost with fear, frosted in ice sold cheap to fear.

My mind has snapped, my brain is done. Can't take nomore of this life thats horror.

I know now why I have to cry, theres no such thing as love or rights. No feelings just are here to bleed, to crush to break to smash and lead.

My loveshe lied, she stab my spine. She hurt me bad ,she does it every time.
Right now I'm so insane and madd, I can give a shit if this rymes, if it evenreads me sad.
Shit, my spirits are gone they run about, my heart is broken my soul in dought. my smiles, laughs, and all joy of things. The nightmare now are all thise dreams. I'm lost and fucking bent, I quit asking the whys and cents. I stop looking forward bright. I can't be without her. without my life.

Submitted on 2005-09-14 14:09:00 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Hey Jeremy,
This is sad. I can't imagine what's it like my b/f. He said he was going to be busy and won't have much time for me because he's starting up a business and wanted to set me free from him thinking that i am going to feel lonely. My response was that even if he's not with me physically, at least i know, i am going to be thought of everyday knowing that i am loved and that he knows that he is loved. So in a way, it reminded me a lot of that. I don't think i'll be able to break up with him. that's one thing sure. He's the one who's gonna have to do it. Just reminded me of a few events with my b/f.

I don't think i want to critic this poem because it's a personal thing and if i do say something bad, you're gonna take it to heart. Don't want my friend to think that on me.

well you know what they say, there is somebody for someone, so if she doesn't come back and maybe if you do something about it and it doesn't happen, then it's not meant to be. That's the reality. You might want to cry about this harsh reality but we're living in it and if things dont work out and it makes you feel like [censored], then it's not worth it cause you're not that and you know that.

Cheer up, all will go well. Talk to you later.
Peace...
Irina
| Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow! I know you're not supposed to say that in a comment, but I don't know what else to say. You are really upset about this, and I think you should rate this as a 'vent', then people would leave you alone. My thoughts are with you during this hard time, my friend...take good care, and I hope it all works out for you. cher
| Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by Inducted_Kitty | [ Reply to This ]
  I think Afersian is a bit harsh but I have to agree that this really isn't the best poem. I can sympathize your overall feelings though...
| Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by bonita2689 | [ Reply to This ]
  Well. I can either say that was good and lie the crap out of this review, or I can tell you that its a pile of crap.

Firstly, I assume this is just a [censored] poem. By [censored] poem I mean it was completely contrived of spare time and idle hands, therefore it sucks majorly if you think its any good. Now if you took time to write a good one it'd probably be decent, but right now it has a crapload of spelling errors, and it just atlks about I dunno, random crap. In the eventuality that you find you CAN write, maybe you shouldn't cry like a girl about some girl who dumped you (Possibly fiction/non-fictional) and plus there is more than one genre for you to moan/[censored]/whine about

In the beginning you describe desolation, but later you get into a rant about how she hates you, Which really throws off the reader, now I am only taking consideration on this pile of pre-pubescent angst because I also have idle hands. So don't think its decent.

Later on you say life is all gone, No feelings and I'm just so goddamn sad blah blah blah. Anyone can see that this is a pile of bull[censored], because while so many people have done this before it also is marked by your crappy depression...

Therefore me, the doctor, suggests you a large dose of "Grow some freaking balls" and to try writing better.
| Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by Aferisan | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

74285

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.