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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: NOT KNOWINGdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: joeym1962
    ASL Info:    43 / m / oh
    Elite Ratio:    5.2 - 83/75/27
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 198
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 632



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNOT KNOWINGdots
    -------------------------------------------


    it's hell, this not knowing
    my fault for falling in love
    my fault for wanting too much attention
    my fault for not allowing breathing room
    how can i say i'm sorry
    how can i say i didn't mean to push you away

    so now we're friends instead of significant others
    what does that mean exactly
    that feelings are turned off like a light switch
    passions burned away like insects too close to a flame
    that now we'll sit together for ten or so minutes in public places
    sipping lukewarm coffee and discussing weather and grocery prices




    Submitted on 2005-09-14 18:35:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i love the last line it gives the work a clear / emotional plasma defect on the core of fault hood, leaving the reader to surrender to the sorrow of break and crush / i think keeping the wordplay dry and plan keeps the reder attacted till the very end .

    Janus
    | Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by J W I | [ Reply to This ]
      well...this was rather simple for my tastes...i know bonita says just the opposite but i just dont feel like theres much to this. the first stanza is very bare, which can be good, but there isnt much going on. The second stanza is where it started to get good, but then the flow was off, and it had a rather abrupt ending, no deep thoughts to consider, it was just a line, not really an ending at all. this does have the workings of a writing destined to become a good poem though, IF it can perhaps sound a little less clichéd, a little more grasping on the mind. But then maybe I'm just cranky...
    -drizzt
    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by Drizzt | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really down to earth. I wouldnt say its simple. I really like the concept of no frills, no metaphors just kinda is. I love the last bit about weather and such. I think the beginning stanza could use a little something. Maybe less cliché??!
    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by bonita2689 | [ Reply to This ]



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