Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Mingling With The Dead

Author: wallya20
ASL Info:    18/m/Bahamas
Elite Ratio:    8 - 113 /68 /26
Words: 296
Class/Type: Story /Serious
Total Views: 827
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1601


Read it and describe it for yourself.

Mingling With The Dead

A couple martinis maybe a few shots
Yep, just having a good time
You want anything?
You miss life huh?
You’re so alone in that grave

I hear you man,
You said you miss life
If you could do it all over again everything would be different
Tell me, why didn’t you do it right whilst you were here?
Your time has passed, you can’t do it over
You know man I can still hear you talking
So you miss your wife
Was she really your world or is that what you’re thinking about now that you’re dead
Why weren’t you loving and caring to her? You want to be there for her now?
Sure you miss the simple thing keep talking and I’ll keep writing.

“I miss sitting down and having dinner with you and your mom kid, I do.
The long drives me and you would take so we can talk man to man, remember that son that was great right. I wasn’t the man I should have been.”
No dad to late now just keep talking. Death has no tears only darkness.
“You know what, I can’t remember how you look, and it has been so long. You we’re always mommy’s little guy; I should have learned from you. Promise me you will take care of her for me; let her know I said hey.

I won’t man, I owe you nothing, nothing, and not one single spec of dust is owed to you.
One thing I will do though is be the man you could never be. I will love my family.
Coming here made me think I could be happy. Even the dead have their own opinions.

Submitted on 2005-09-14 19:16:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  ISounds like a kid, who's parents divorced or in somwaylost his father. And while he may still live his memory is dying. And the kid feels that the only answer is an anrgy vow to be the bigger man. Tragic. Really very sad and moving. I hear the guy wanting to weep behind it all, but raising angry fists instead. I hope that you find my comment encouraging, because I liked the way it spoke. I still think that you beat around the bush just enough to try and confuse. Did you know what its okay for a guy to cry. Just a thought. Keep me posted.
| Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by sistersinister | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi. I read your story here as a personal and maybe 'first' visit to your father's grave in an attempt to make your peace with him in some way, thinking it would bring closure maybe? But, you found out, during and afterward, that it only brought you more pain, as his words ? or messages to you, told of a selfish man who never cared about or took proper care of his family when he was here, so why would things be different if he could, by some miracle, come back??? It sounds to me like he is blowing hot air up the ass, probably as usual, of everyone who will listen to him...I understand your story on that level, probably because we had the same type of father, unfortunately for us, and I never visit his grave, why should I? he made my life a living hell, as well as my mother and siblings, and I want to forget he was here, I don't hate him, but I don't love him either. I feel nothing, and I think I will leave it at that. What's the point of saying things would have been different when the damage is already done??? Zip chance. Take care, good write.cher
| Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by Inducted_Kitty | [ Reply to This ]
  It wasn't what I expected. THough I don't know what I expected. I was able create a visual with this write. It reminded me of a monologue.
Just a scene with a guy sitting there in the cemetary or where ever this other would be,
and a simple conversation between the two.
One much like the one I would have with my father, he is dead in a way... to me ... he gets out of prison here in two weeks, he's been there 90% of my life so ...yup ..

This is a write I can relate to..

| Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by Brack-Attax | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?