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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Autumn Arrivesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 874
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 372



    Description:
       You can never write too many autumn poems.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAutumn Arrivesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A calming friend
    after a period of hot anger.
    The wind caresses you,
    tells you all will be alright,
    invites you to sleep
    beneath warm quilts
    and dream in the colors
    of the vibrant pajamas the trees don
    as they ready themselves for bed,
    and you decide to slumber too
    hoping to awaken with the daffodils.




    Submitted on 2005-09-14 21:41:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      
    this is a novel take on autumn...the metaphor of the season getting ready for a long winter sleep is very appropriate, and you carry it through well. I agree with Monty about the number of syllables, but it is no big deal, this is an evocative picture of autumn anyway...i hesitate to talk about spelling ( since English English and American English are so different), but in the UK we spell pyjamas wit a 'y'' ( it is an Indian word originally)
    you have a unique voice
    | Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
      I love seasonal poems especially autumn as it is such a wonderful season with so much to offer and vibrant character. This poem captures the beauty of the season and the comfort of the warm quilts needed as the nights bring cool refreshing sleeping weather. I like the comparison of the foliage to colorful pajamas, that gave me a warm smile and is one of the reasons I love the fall so much is so I can wear all my soft and warm jammies. This is very well written and truly a pleasure to read. Lovely! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-10-24 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      well, doesn't look like autumn here cause already the last days of summer looked like november. now it is sunny and warm. strange. but I won't complain. sunny and warm is great.
    anyway I really like autumn poems. and this one is great with really good visuals. as always.
    I stumbled over the "awaken" in the last line until I recognized that it is passive. see, I have already forgotten everything they told me in my grammar classes.
    anyway, I like the usage of passive here as I think about it now. it fits to the poem. well done.
    | Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      I guess there is something which is relieving about the perception of seasons ... seconds are too nervous, hours are too boring, days are marked with X's, weeks are always leading somewhere, months ... well you probably know more about them than me ... , years belong to memories and centuries no one can remember,

    but seasons ... ahhh now there's something. Familiar regulation to our lives adding a change in the stage for our lives .. they just come on and change the scene and don't care who or where you are. Sometimes you can measure how fast they travel too. I remember one time autumn was travelling atthe rate of about 75 km per day according to the maturity of wheat fields.

    But enough of this

    To your poem .. I like how you personify it, Autumn, or rather the world of seasons in general, as someone who gets angry with heat and wears pyjamas. Of course as a poem it lends itself to the interpretation that there is some relief coming to us (that are subject to so many mental seasons) of course as opposed to the season ... I don't honestly try to imagine autumn wearing pyjamas or anything like that. It makes me think more along the lines that despite our (and others around us) ventures into summer and winter seasons and everything in between, it is just flowing like the seasons so don't get so worked up about it. Kind of like life goes on ...
    | Posted on 2005-09-23 00:00:00 | by kanu | [ Reply to This ]
      Not much I can say after everyone below, except to add my appreciation for reading this little gem.

    A great seasonal poem, the personification fits well, and I like the sentiment of wishing you could skip through winter and go straight to spring (amazingly, that's what we did here this year, no winter at all!)

    An excellent read

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-09-22 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      another naturalist painting, quite beautiful. Unfortunantally as Automn passes the world dies and all goes white. but in passing it's a wonderful transition and in your words one can feel the gentle breezes and the cotton clouds in an arial ocean. delightful
    | Posted on 2005-09-19 00:00:00 | by cainboy | [ Reply to This ]
      'vibrant pajamas the trees don' That's amazing, something only you could dream up. :)
    Like the poem, how you liken autumn as a period of rest after a tiring time. How you want to 'awaken with the daffodils'.
    Perfect take on life!
    | Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful! The first two lines are so neat and remind me of a sort of friendship...not only between summer and fall...but between people as well. One cooling and soothing the other. I liked this one a lot and it is by far one of the best autumn posts I have ever read. So I would have to say your writing is definately not lacking in this piece. Good job. Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      What a stunning poem... I really miss the different seasons living in Dubai and although I suppose we are moving out of summer into 'autumn' it's not really recognised as such. The seasons we have vary between 'hot' and 'hotter' and we've had some pretty extreme temperatures during August...

    I love the way you've humanised the season. It's brilliantly structured and delivered!
    | Posted on 2005-09-17 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the change of seasons and it's begun here just in the last few days. There is something that gives freedom and release in this Amy, and yet it's so subtle

    I can't find anything that stands out
    it's all so outstanding.
    I hope you're well and your muse begins to speak
    in new and unique ways.
    Love,
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Autumn a blessed time of the year in my opinion.
    The hot anger of the summer finally takes a chill pill.
    The leaves turn to the beauty that they become.
    The smell of the air is all different and the colness makes you want to cuddle with the one that you love.

    Very nice Amy Very nice.

    ~shawn
    | Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      Here you've gone and painted a beautiful painting for us all to read. Graphic and colorful, bringing us all the imagery of a new season. It's finally cooled off here and today was the first day in 2 mos the air went off and the windows flew open. I swear I heard the leaves knocking. Great read, Amy.
    Carol
    | Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I love Autumn. :) It's the time of my birthday and Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday) and it just really means something to me. :) I like how you called it a "calming friend" after the heat. It really is. The leaves changing colors always amazes me. I can't wait now! :) Great job hun. I really liked this one, made me long for Autumn to already arrive. hehe
    Hugs and Love!
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Lovely images and lovely feelings come from reading this :) ...we are still in spring here in Australia and I am eagerly awaiting summer...however this reminds me of how I too look forward to the break at the end of a long hot summer and thus i feel a little less impatient and a little more able to appreciate the pleasantness and the unpredictability of spring while it is still here :)
    | Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      short but beautiful. I like how you relate fall to hibernation from your troubles. and daffodils remind me of love so to awaken to it and to spring and skip winter totally would be just fine with me! very nicely done.
    | Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was good but too short for me to really enjoy it. Coming off of the "hot anger of the summer" i would really have loved to bask in the soothing coolness of autumn but this piece was like a short breathe of fresh air, you know. Breahte on me dont stop, I can never get enough of autumn's healing calm. But needless to say I loved it, good job.
    | Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      I do like this piece. I am a big fan of Autumn. It is my favorite seaon. Now, on to business. I feel that in the fourth line, you break your rhythm. Too many sylables. Maybe change "alright" to "right." Also, the line "the trees don" is a little off. Maybe make the whole thing one line "Of the vibrant pajamas the trees don." Just a thought. I am a musician, and a poet, and I am constantly finding mistakes in rhythm. Watch you sylables. It has a definate making of a great piece, and there is great imagery and description, but you need to watch your phrasing and rhythm.

    Over all. It is a good piece, and with a little work, could be great.

    ~Monty
    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by Deep_Monty | [ Reply to This ]
      oh Amy, this is beautiful! that hot anger of the summer.. you say it without even saying it.. i feel the autumn in the air and that wanting to curl up beneath the quilt against the chill. the colors of the pajamas compared to the trees is such a wonderful comparison. they sleep.. until the daffodils wake them. i love this! it's a new fave. you know i love autumn!

    you are golden,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]


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