I'm going to have to jump on the bandwagon here and rehash what has already been repeatedly stated in various ways. That last stanza stands out and demands to be recognized. Your little poem here evokes feelings of limerence from a cold heart.
I'm very impressed, and with your permission, I'd like to use that last stanza in my signature on another site.
A really sad but well written poem but alas realize this if you just went up in flames the river whose gate has just opened will put out the flames and let you go in living in peace just reflecting by the way thank you for your recent comments my mother and my little sister are my rocks i would be no where without them recently i have become much closer to family instead of shuting them off i believe that was God answering my prayers Take care and God Bless
ok, you know it is cliché, you have just told us that it is cliché, so why?
we know before we even start to read that it is going to be cliché, and you did not let us down. i would say that just about every line was cliché.
that must be a task in itself.
i am confused, but it does not take much, to be uite honest. therapy to some it may be, but i can never understand why you would submit a poem like this.
if you want to say something, and we all want to say something, then why not write it in your journal. after all, this piece is basically a journal of feelings.
and it is a starting point. it is an idea or an emotion to build from, but to make it a poem in its own right, in my opinion, you need to do something with it other than write down how you feel, knowing what you are writing, and then just say oh well i know what it is and it does not matter.
it does matter.
we are all judging each other by what we read here, and to me this shows a lack of effort or imagination, a call for attention, and a need to post when it is not necessary.
perhaps i am wrong, but what you write here is all i have to go on.
::::::thoughts::::::::: ok you have a little “cat” magic, here the first line wraps with the last line. “here I am” and “my life just went up in flames”
st1 the mood I have reading these lines is heartbreaking. your ending to the first stanza is very powerful “Dreams of love come and gone”
St2 the comparative mode in the next stanza is good. and the last again a punch because none of it matters and how true that is when one is so hurt. I feel the pain here Candi.
St3 one positive thing is your feelings are flowing instead of being trapped or pushed in causing you more harm. the village of happiness, I’m sorry that seems a little cute for this but still it’s not bad it just might mean you are trying to lighten up just a bit. I don’t know I could be going way out on that. I feel the pain of your life going up in flames truly depressing.
conclusion: very strong feelings. A poem for the one who mourns lost love. Awfully painful to read too. hope you have better days and are blessed. wish you the best.
Very well written Candi! This is a great write you have here! I can relate to so many of your poems and your feelings! Isn't this just the truth? I love how you express your feelings here and your sorrow can be felt all throughout this write. And how true when you say "none of it matters to me anymore". Some things in life are so overwhelming that it really makes you feel this way. And finding your way out seems impossible. I know the feeling. This last part: If feelings are a river, the gate has just been opened and the village of happiness has just drowned- and if love is a spark, my life just went up in flames. That is awesomely written. I love this stanza! I dont find it cliché either! It is quite different and a fantastic way of expressing your feelings. This is a wonderfully written, very sad poem! Take care!
with my own life being like a rollercoaster ride right now i can appreciate where this comes from,and the message was delivered very well,the last stanza being the most powerful and hitting home to the reader the depth of emotion and feeling you are going through right now.Hang in there sun always follows rain even if it gets a little cloudy in between your writing always impresses me with the depth of feeling you portray,nice piece candi and take care graham
yeah, there are cliché's in there, but you use them very very well. they don't dictate the heart of this piece, they're just garnish. what you're saying is extremely well expressed here. i think you did a great job. and i think that if anyone disagrees with me they can kiss my a$$...sorry, got a little crunktified for a sec...ok...good poem. daddy like.