Description: ahhh... my first poem ever posted on the internet and guess where it went... the the (BLEEP) at Poetry.com ... oh well, i didn't fall for that crap - but on a serious note, i would really like to make this one a little more polished, complete... you know what i mean... HELP!
- fifi
Open Your Eyes -------------------------------------------
Whispers in the wind
all just a pack of lies
You don't even know me
Open your eyes...
Your possession of hatred
a monstrosity in size
There's no more room here
Open your eyes...
My god-given gifts
so quickly you criticize
I didn't ask your opinion, just
Open your eyes...
For your unsurpassed ignorance
you've won the grand prize
your prize is your loneliness
Open your eyes...
The men in white sheets
you try to idolize
this is NOT the 50's
Open your eyes...
So stand up! Confront me,
the one you despise,
free yourself from this burden
Open your eyes...
I really dig the social commentary, and thats about all I can say. Your poem almost serves as a message of "back off" to any one who may want to offer critique. Are you interested in re working this at all? It's good, don't get me wrong, but there are areas that could polish up nicely, Dave
O' my eyes are open. Your description of your poem, labels another, or maybe even a whole bunchs of others. Just thought, about openning eyes. Your description, hurts mine.<Take that, as you may, because it goes, from Ying to Yang.
This has really great word choice. I wish this was longer, i really liked this one. I like all the messages too. This one was really powerful.(oh and i liked the repitition too) Great write.
Submission Name: Open Your Eyes
