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    dots Submission Name: Vietnamese Baby Girldots

    Author: wallya20
    ASL Info:    18/m/Bahamas
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 113/68/26
    Words: 283
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 751
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1624


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    dotsVietnamese Baby Girldots

    Your slanted eyes canít help but stare into mine
    You are diverse your Cantonese, Chinese, Japanese and Korean sub- culture is strong within itself
    I am unfolding the mysteries of my Vietnamese baby girl
    Your 4 years older than I am but I donít care
    You have a son and that changes nothing
    Just sit back and watch as both our lives intertwine with each other
    Hardships and pain you faced before,
    Respect and love face you now
    Hoping your ready for love, prepare your heart please,
    All of me is given, tears fell before
    Dry those eyes baby no more
    Smiling now though I know you have been hurt on the outside and in
    Family disagrees, yet you turn your back on them and face me
    No need for a 6th sense to see if I love you
    You believe everything
    Eyes are said to be the windows to our souls
    How come when I look into yours I see me?
    Telling me your dreams of the horizon spying on us
    The wind feels us; we now fall upon the rain
    Years can go past but as long as my arms are around you we stay young forever
    To believe and enjoy what we have
    A true love that no one ever had
    We made love in ever season sun or snow
    Your nightís moon loves my dayís sun
    You now realize your diversity doesnít matter
    Call me your nigger I ainít disrespected thatís what I am
    Diverse within myself it matters not what people say
    We lay in the nightís rain when we want
    Do not disturb is always on the door
    I love my Vietnamese baby girl

    Submitted on 2005-09-15 17:12:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This was an interesting one. Just a few things to point out though. I like how you had some good imagery in here. It was very nice. Though it looked like you couldn't decide if you wanted to rhyme in here or not. So I was just wondering on that. Some of your lines could probably be shortened too just a little so they aren't so long, With shorter lines it makes it easier to read and follow. For example you could put of the beginning...

    "Your slanted eyes,
    canít help but stare into mine,
    You are diverse,
    your Cantonese,
    Chinese, Japanese,
    and Korean sub- culture is strong within itself,
    I am unfolding the mysteries,
    of my Vietnamese baby gir,l
    Your 4 years older than I am,
    but I donít care,
    You have a son and that changes nothing,
    Just sit back,
    and watch as both our lives intertwine,
    with each other,"

    but thats just a suggestion on how to do it. I personally think its easier that way. But anyways I did like this a lot. nice!

    | Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]

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