Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Masterpiece


Author: dmm
ASL Info:    50/M/Minnesota
Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 741 /888 /102
Words: 71
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 1516
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 511



Description:


Perhaps not the best I've written but I wanted to join in the fun before I left for the weekend.


Masterpiece



Shadows of the mountains reach across the
desert sand.
Mighty ocean waves become a drop upon
my hand.
Red and yellow blossoms wet from
morning rain.
The call of the loon and its lovers
sweet refrain.

Masterpieces all, each in their
special way,
Concocted by the Master, they say in
seven days.
Seven days or milleniums it changes not
the truth,
His masterpieces stand above times effort
to dilute.




Submitted on 2005-09-15 20:02:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Ahhh what do you mean not one of your best works? Haha. Actually, I am very sorry, but for a time, I had forgotten about your poetry. I now remember favorite-ing some and really liking some, and so, I could expect the same with this. And for once, what I expected was what happened. Very nice. In the first part, I liked how every other line could be something beautiful in itself.
"..........
desert sand.
....
my hand.
.....
morning rain.
.......
sweet refrain."
Just kinda nice-like and such.... And I need to catch up on some other poems. Peace, LucyDiamond
| Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]
  Really love that last sentence. Hinges the whole thing together. Rhyme is a harsh mistress for me...i think it really only belongs in music...but then, that's just me.
"time's effort to dilute"...hmmm...gonna have to ponder on that one.

I don't know, it seems like it could be the other way around. Depends on perspective. Sometimes it seems like all we remember are the bad things.

red and yellow...awe hell, throw in a blue blossom too
see you around
kc
| Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very good addition to the masterpiece poems! It is very well written and expressed and overall just a nice write. All of the wonders of the planet are indeed masterpieces all in their own right. Beautiful and elegant creations that have stood the test of time. The last line really sums this one up really well! A good poem! Take care!

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-10-05 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Man oh man all of these Masterpiece poems are exactly that.This is just beautifully done. Everything about it is just right. And it is straight forward and to the point. I wouldn't change a word. Not a word is wasted and it reads very smoothly. Thanks for a great write.
Bill
| Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by rankamateur | [ Reply to This ]
  Dan, way to go!

Very well done, a beautiful and descriptive look at nature's masterpieces...

well worded and extremely peaceful. Always a pleasure to see your writing

Lisa
| Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
  Standing above times effort to dilute it. Very powerful thought there ma friend.

I liked this a lot and it was very tranquil and a peaceful read. Good stuff maynard. Have a good one and keep smilin'
| Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  this is a beautiful addition to the masterpiece challenge! nature is indeed a masterpiece, created by the Divine. this is simple yet glorious in your expression of love for nature.

well done!
~Cat
| Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  So glad you decided to join in, Dan. We all have masterpieces in life too. I took a different slant, as usual, to the challenge. I really enjoyed this write. A beautiful, soft gentle approach. Great job. And have a really good weekend. Love ya.
Carol
| Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
  I enjoyed the visual imagery and the reverie in your word choices. The awe-inspiring masterpieces handed down to us from the Master are truly worthy of adoration.

Well done!
| Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
  well, for a quick write you certainly captured the essence of a masterpiece! nicely done and I love the images you convey in it. I hope you're going somewhere equally lovely for the weekend! nice write Dan!
| Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
  I like anything that appreciates nature like this. You did a good job with this one. Yeah, beautiful is beautiful whether accomplished in a near eternity of six days. In "The call of the loon and it's lovers/ sweet refrain," "it's" should be "its" (The one with the apostrophe means "it is"). I hope all is well, Amy
| Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  i have to agree with the other commenters: i loved the first stanza for it's clear pictures, and how magnificent those few words made the world. the second stanza is made very memorable by the last two lines alone (for me), for they are to the point and make me feel somewhat small in this masterpiece. and i sort of like the feeling of being small...
| Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by keithypoo | [ Reply to This ]
  The two beginning stanzas are written extrememly well. the ocean in a drop on your hand is clever and i enjoyed that part very good. the 7 days metaphor very witty and lead the piece nicely to it's ending.

Semper Fidelis,
Christopher
| Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by Soulraven | [ Reply to This ]
  It is a very well done piece...even if not the best, it has qualities of simple ellagance in it, which is admirable. The first and second stanzas seem to be very different in the wording (one is kind of dreamlike...surreal, while two is the blatent truth...straightforward, no flowers kinda thing) which is good, just adds to the quality of the piece, great stuff...

~Anarius~
| Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by Anarius | [ Reply to This ]
  Bravo, Diamond Dan!

I was wondering if someone would go down this track, and you've done it very well.

I especially love the last line.

Excellent entry, a masterpiece! well done!

Be Happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  The was brilliant Dan, very nice. Its been quite awhile since I last stopped and I thought I might drop in a read a poem or two, I'm glad I did. I really Dan, indeed a masterpiece.

Keep up the good work
and take care

Later
Jason
| Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



74466