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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: mechanical bodydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bluecrane
    ASL Info:    19/F/WASHINGTON
    Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 70/83/26
    Words: 173
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 904
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1033



    Description:
       as you all know i am a depressed idiot who is slowly deteriorating behind my family's back...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmechanical bodydots
    -------------------------------------------


    this blood that cycles
    through me is black
    the skin that wraps around me is dead
    the heart which once had feelings
    is now only a heart
    a pump to cycle this fucked up life
    my feet are attached, and i continue to move
    but i am dead inside
    i have no emotions left
    i just move, write, eat, sleep
    i look into the eyes of the man
    i once loved
    but i cannot get that feeling back
    i only see, only hear, only touch
    i cannot feel
    my body only a machine
    the spirit that moved it is gone
    i don't care because i can't
    i can only move
    this body that won't die
    keeps my mind alive
    missing my soul, in agony, only agony
    time will one day let the rest
    of this fucked up body die
    i want it to rot
    let it rot, let it decay
    under the ground, in eternal sleep
    my mind will have a spirit
    a spirit once more
    the body, the shell is broken




    Submitted on 2005-09-16 01:32:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      a very sad write
    but wait
    look carefully at the last line
    you are just fed up about life but your changing it
    you cant be to sad
    your looking ahead to eternal life
    that shows that theres still spirit in you
    spirit to want to defeat the negative energy that has consumed you
    keep positive
    may i suggest meditation and prayer
    you seem extremely strong from your write
    if you need someone to talk too just comment

    Please Take Care Of Yourself
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-10-12 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, you certainly did a great job of expressing the "dead" feeling, this is simple tragic.

    I liked all of it, a great write that should give you something to be proud of, at least.

    Well done

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      dude, i feel your pain, i got the same [censored] happening to me, but i have started to drink and smoke and make strangers lovers. i didnt exactly go into zombie mode. its good that you write about it so you can get feedback about it from other ppl. sometimes the advice frome strangers are better than friends, just because you dont know them. its weird. but mr. jolly-go-lucky down there needs to realized that one day... if we feel like it and were damn good and ready, we will stand up again. but let us have our mourning. ^v^
    - natalie michelle
    | Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by The Blue Panda | [ Reply to This ]
      What a shame, a human life is a terrible thing to waste, do something with yourself! Move to the country and ride a horse or climb a mountain(not to jump off it either).
    Life can be so much fun, if you look for it!
    Trust me, life out here in the forest has more to offer than trees.
    Just as mechanical bodies are made by someone, so are F**k*d up lives. Live a little, come for a visit and I'll show you more fun than you thought possible!
    And as for your writing, we may even work on your diction and clean up some of the un-participating participles and realign a few objective phrases and turn them into brighter futures!
    | Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]


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