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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: voicesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bluecrane
    ASL Info:    19/F/WASHINGTON
    Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 70/83/26
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 701
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 612



    Description:
       the way you read this is every other line is silenced like voices in the back of your head...first line read it aloud, then the next you whisper it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsvoicesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    i asked you, but i couldn't hear the answer
    weakness
    i wanted you to speak
    silence
    i loved so much, but all is lost
    betrayal
    now i face this black world
    darkness
    you still carry my soul
    trapped
    not good enough for you
    put down
    leaving the way you did
    lonliness
    saying that you loved me
    false hope
    saying you were here for me
    dead support
    now i know your life
    lies
    this is how you left me inside
    dead
    you are my illness i can't defeat
    disease




    Submitted on 2005-09-16 01:36:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      heeh, im bad with spelling too. and i really like it. and, maybe its just me, but at the last line when you dont have a "wisper" as i may call it, under that, i was a lil disapointed, i looooooove it when poems and stories and clincher endings, so maybe you might wanna put a "wisper" under the last line, just an example, but try to make up your own, I would put "except by murder" as the last wisper. 0.0 you may think thats to dramatic or you may like it, just a sudgestion. ^v^
    - natalie michelle
    | Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by The Blue Panda | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poem. It is unique. I have never read a poem with this concept before. I like it. Aside from the few spelling errors such as "lonlieness" should be "loneliness" and "betrayel" should be "betrayal," it is a really good poem. I like the way it flows and the lines almost overlap. It's like you keep reading, but those are just voices in your head responding to what you read, even though you actually read those words. I really like it. Keep up the great work, and warth your spelling.

    ~Monty
    | Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by Deep_Monty | [ Reply to This ]


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