[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: voicesdots

    Author: bluecrane
    ASL Info:    19/F/WASHINGTON
    Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 70/83/26
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 721
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 612

       the way you read this is every other line is silenced like voices in the back of your head...first line read it aloud, then the next you whisper it.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    i asked you, but i couldn't hear the answer
    i wanted you to speak
    i loved so much, but all is lost
    now i face this black world
    you still carry my soul
    not good enough for you
    put down
    leaving the way you did
    saying that you loved me
    false hope
    saying you were here for me
    dead support
    now i know your life
    this is how you left me inside
    you are my illness i can't defeat

    Submitted on 2005-09-16 01:36:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      heeh, im bad with spelling too. and i really like it. and, maybe its just me, but at the last line when you dont have a "wisper" as i may call it, under that, i was a lil disapointed, i looooooove it when poems and stories and clincher endings, so maybe you might wanna put a "wisper" under the last line, just an example, but try to make up your own, I would put "except by murder" as the last wisper. 0.0 you may think thats to dramatic or you may like it, just a sudgestion. ^v^
    - natalie michelle
    | Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by The Blue Panda | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poem. It is unique. I have never read a poem with this concept before. I like it. Aside from the few spelling errors such as "lonlieness" should be "loneliness" and "betrayel" should be "betrayal," it is a really good poem. I like the way it flows and the lines almost overlap. It's like you keep reading, but those are just voices in your head responding to what you read, even though you actually read those words. I really like it. Keep up the great work, and warth your spelling.

    | Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by Deep_Monty | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    new moon written by CrypticBard
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fasade written by jackz
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    True Death written by layDsayD
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Push written by JanePlane
    Bond written by saartha
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Every..... written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Brigit written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]