Suicide letter! by fallen

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Submission Name: Suicide letter! dots

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Author:	fallen_angel384
ASL Info:	17/Female/uk
Elite Ratio:	3.26 - 59/87/22
Words:	118

Class/Type:	Poetry/I hate you
Total Views:	393
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	712

Description:

Suicide letter! dots

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I've tried to like my life
But it really gets hard
When things fall apart
Right in your arms
So as i slit my wrists
With this razor i bear
Please don't be sad
No. dont shed a tear
Why couldn't you love me
Or at least have caught me when i fell
And took me in your arms
When i was down or needed help
But no you didn't care
You didn't even bother
I'm just a silly kid
Who was hated by everyone who knew her
So
Sorry for all i've said or done
I'll just get out of your way
And by the time you read this
On my deathbed i shall lay...

Submitted on 2005-09-16 16:39:16 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  Nicely written poem. The only thing about it I would consider revising is the tenses. You seem to jump from one tense to another. I think it would flow a little better if you changed it all to one tense. But overall, it's quite good.
| Posted on 2005-09-22 00:00:00 | by disturbed420 | [ Reply to This ]
  I LIKE THIS POEM, adding it to my FAV. It is an awesome poem! You expressed commiting suicide in a nice-ass way! Hopefully you never go through it cause it will be another poet lost and we need poets to support each other cause slowly poetry's dying and we need every poet to come forth and make poetry better then songs and movies and with you "gone" it would be one step back anyways good job peace & stay safe...
| Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by Cordell | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmm...This isn't as good as I thought it would be...I understand the concept os this,but it just isn't well put together.It seems to me like that someone knew about your probelms and did not help you up or maybe you don't know what it's like to pushed so far until you are to that point of death.Whoknows,for I am not you.Maybe,you need some inspiratoin because the phrases and words here seem somewhat bland.Well,I hope my comment helps. -Lindel
| Posted on 2005-09-17 00:00:00 | by LRRolins | [ Reply to This ]
  im not going to give you the [censored] answers that i hate that are the 'its ok, itll all get better'because so far NO ONE has proved that.. maybe their lives did but they cant say that to you.. i hope we all get better but im not going to get somones hope up when all it takes is time.. cus times a [censored].. i think yea, i do see alot of poems like this, but the only ones that truely bug me are the ones that i know the person doesnt know what they're talkin about or just sayin stuff like it to get the pity from others, i dont think that is you, or i hope that is not you.
i hope you keep up the writing
till next time
peace
danielle
| Posted on 2005-09-17 00:00:00 | by sacred_tears | [ Reply to This ]
  well this is pretty good i do agree with storm on this but we have all felt like that at one point or another inour lives but you just got to keep your head up i mean if poeple dont like you for whatever reasons they are not worth your time well at least thats the way i think but anyways keep it up it was still a good write in my opinion
peace out :P
| Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by setsuna | [ Reply to This ]
  interesting, though I have seen stuff like this a million times, try to come up with some new metaphors, different imagery, somethign that makes it stand out. Looking at it as though it is a totally new thing, it is pretty good, it has decent flow and imagery, but it's just not..original. Okay, but nothing overly special. 3 out of 5.

Storm
| Posted on 2005-09-16 00:00:00 | by OrionsStorm | [ Reply to This ]

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