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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Deep inside my sadness.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Gothik
    Elite Ratio:    3.35 - 94/133/31
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Prose/Alone
    Total Views: 1130
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 515



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeep inside my sadness.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Here I am,
    Standing in the crowd,
    So alone,
    So ashamed,
    I putted everyone aside
    While they were there for me
    I feel sad,
    And terrified.
    Hoping for a forgiveness
    I might not deserve.
    The world set it's motion,
    But doesn't turn around me.
    It always did.
    But I was just so blind.
    Now I see,
    That what I lost,
    Was always there.
    But not anymore for me.
    I hope they'll forgive me.




    Submitted on 2005-09-17 10:40:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Yeah, I agree, it does have that Slipknot-ish essence about it. This is another very good write. The subject was easy related to and it had its own originality, which is great.

    I really liked the emotion you threw into it the mix, made the reader more interested and willing to read the whole thing. Over-all great write.
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      it reminds me of a song by Slipknot, I forget which one... But I've also read a few other similar pieces and they all sounded pretty uniform... I'm not going to say unoriginal because each situation is ultimately different, but it feels and sounds very similar to a few others I've read... The reason I'm saying it like this is because it's just so vague and unspecific that it doesn't offer any insight to your own situation, so it just has the same feel as a lot of others... Technically well written, but conceptually nothing new... Keep up the writing though
    | Posted on 2005-11-10 00:00:00 | by Meckes | [ Reply to This ]
      *Scoots over to you and drops an arm around your shoulder* You know...some people are like gum on the bottom of your shoe, they stick around even though you try to flick em off...wait...is that what I was going for?

    *Shrugs*
    Sorry this is so short...Bonnie had this total mind lapse...

    *Hugs!*
    Bon
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem reminds me so much of my bestfriend. Although, I'm always by her side, she would constantly push me aside. She would always apologize, but there are times when I believe her apology are just words. I kinda like your poetry. Like the fact that I can relate my friend to this.

    There are some errors, but you don't have to see me write them again, since they are already there for you in other's comments.

    Yeah, the word putted.. (not a word) You could always replace it with put, placed, shoved.. etc.

    You could do a lot more. With a few improvements, this would be great.
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by Jen-Lyn | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww, this poem is sad. Sad poems are so.. well sad, aren't they? Sorry, my brains's not working right now. I think this is pretty good, keep on writing, 'k?
    | Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice. You can definately tell the hurt that you are feeling. We are not lost, but we thought we were forgotten. The world moves, and all of us move inside it. We try to touch base as often as we can, but for some reason we pass by each other without even realizing it.

    <3 Kim

    (Not lost, just waiting)
    | Posted on 2005-09-17 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      i think a previous comment was too harsh about your grammatic short-comings. i would suggest using a spell check before posting your future poems. i really enjoyed this piece and it is the sort of poetry i can get into. nice effort. i look forward to future works of yours.
    | Posted on 2005-09-17 00:00:00 | by caster | [ Reply to This ]
      Definitely a few spelling errors. The subject is...relatable, though...good to understand your audience and write something relatable...not everyone can do that.
    | Posted on 2005-09-17 00:00:00 | by Abby Sinthetic | [ Reply to This ]
      Putted is not a word. The past tense of the word put is put. Another line should also read the world set "its" motion. No apostrophe. You really need to know proper grammar if you're going to write poetry. Sloppy english can become annoying to the reader real fast.
    | Posted on 2005-09-17 00:00:00 | by eliwhitneyradio | [ Reply to This ]


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