This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Our Prison

Author: xeternalshadowx
ASL Info:    17/m/pennsylvania
Elite Ratio:    4.72 - 121 /137 /55
Words: 107
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1352
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 692


crappy, but idc

Our Prison

Let the voiceless be heard,
Let the voiceless be heard,
Let the voiceless be heard...

With silent screams of breached perfection,
Following footsteps in the wake of wisdom
Recur the fear of death inside.

Under a blanket of sin
Crawling up the stairway,
The damned seek residence for all,
While embraced by His eye
On the road of freedom to all.

Our hearts snow-blind to an inevitable truth,
These walls of stone are tainted red with our own blood.

A seed was thrown into the rain
In the hope that one day our fruit will ripen
For we can taste its nectar.

Submitted on 2005-09-17 18:15:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  i like the alliteration in this piece. gives it a good flow. the beginning repeating lines made me think that it was a song, and after reading, i still think that it could be.

"following footsteps in the wake of wisdom"

that was def my favorite line, and not only for the alliteration, it just stood out a lot.

i also like the "snow-blind" part. just for the wording. overall its a really good poem, kudos.
| Posted on 2005-09-17 00:00:00 | by Dimension_X | [ Reply to This ]
  You're right it was a bit rough on the edges, but I still enjoyed it very much I suggest that you find a way of outletting your feelings through your writing because you seem to have a really good technique
| Posted on 2005-09-17 00:00:00 | by Aferisan | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?