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    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: Enslaved Shonen
    ASL Info:    19
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 51/63/28
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 895
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 753

       I don't know...How about a comment?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    In your eyes I saw the blue heaven
    So clearly for the first time.
    If only I could lie in your arms forever
    I think for the first time
    In a long time
    I would sleep without fear.

    The wind so red blew in upon
    The cloud called dust,
    And the sky was a sea of gold.
    For the first time in a long time
    Your eyes were alive.

    And truly I knew what it meant to be born.
    So alive after such a quite,
    Hearing the pulse beat
    After such a long still
    No longer denied the title given
    To those who are born,
    Because for the first time in a long time
    You are really alive.
    Finally, my baby, they have labeled you human.

    Submitted on 2005-09-17 20:42:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow. i thought that was great. i definetly agree with graeme, it could be interpretted so many ways. it made me feel good, like sort of, filled me with hope. sorry my comments not very good, i just never know what to say. keep up0 the good work :) - angela
    | Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by m with two i_s | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, this is really interesting, although I'm not sure if I get your meaning or not, it can have a lot of interpretations...
    I like the way you structured it, although with all the colour references, I'd like to see one near the finish to keep the color theme going.

    "quite" seems to be a typo for quiet, which I feel could be said in a better way, maybe "so alive after such a long paralysis" or something like that. The contradiction of "quiet" to "alive" isn't quite there.

    Very very thought-provoking, I'm still trying to figure it out, so in that respect it's excellent.

    Well done

    Be Happy

    | Posted on 2005-09-17 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

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