!Sold My Life Away! by fallen

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Submission Name: !Sold My Life Away! dots

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Author:	fallen_angel384
ASL Info:	17/Female/uk
Elite Ratio:	3.26 - 59/87/22
Words:	119

Class/Type:	Poetry/Cutting or Mutilation
Total Views:	468
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	769

Description:
I wrote this poem last night when i realised how much i wanted to cut because of all the shit thats going on in my life i just happy i didn't

please send me a pm or leave a comment if you think i could improve this or have any advice for me
thanx
izzi x

!Sold My Life Away! dots

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I'm so sick of wearing long sleeve shirts,
but what i've begun,
takes away all my pain and hurt.
So many tricks and so many lies,
my happiness comes but then,
slowly dies.

They tell me it's wrong but it feels so right,
no-one will ever know,
what i feel inside.

I could end it now but the wounds would stop bleeding,
and then what would i do,
when my obsession needs feeding??
No-one can help me now i've used this razorblade,
as i've fooled with the devil,
and sold my life away.

I told my friend i'd stop and i really did try,
but its already taken over,
and won't stop 'til i die...

Submitted on 2005-09-18 03:38:00 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  this poem was amaizing and i cant really seem to find anything wrong with it.i,myself,am trying to quit cutting so i really could relate.
i thought the lines were very predictable but when u put the commas & seperated the words even more,i couldnt really find it wrong.

"No-one can help me now i've used this razorblade,
as i've fooled with the devil,
and sold my life away."
maybe u could have put
No-one can help me now that i've used this razorblade...
it would hav prolly made more sence concerning grammar.
bad habits die hard and i know how hard it is to try to change something but keep failing.
i hope things get better & someone hears u out.
this is another fave.
thnx 4 the great read & letting out how u feel.
sometimes crying or just venting out helps and replaces cutting.hope that helps.
if u ever need someone 2 talk 2,im here.
-fakeness
| Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by (fake_sanity) | [ Reply to This ]
  i like this. Its deep and dark, and kinda suicidal.
After the 1st line, "I'm so sick of wearing long sleeve shirts", u know what it's about and thats good. that line also drew me into the poem to keep reading.

I have one question, here in these line:

as i've fooled with the devil,
and sold my life away.

does that means u sold your life to Satan? thats what i got from it.

Otherwise i like this alot and hope u don't cut yorself. Good work and keep it up, i'd be sad if there were no more poems from you!
~Midnight Shadow~
| Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by Midnight Shadow | [ Reply to This ]
  ummm, I can relate but only under different circumstances. So... basiccally I know what its like to want to quit something but it's hard. i thought this was really good. But hey, thats life nobody's perfect. Good wirte.
| Posted on 2005-10-26 00:00:00 | by Drea | [ Reply to This ]
  i can totaly relate to this poem
i have been there many times
what i see in your work is you are slowly realizing there is a reason to live
trust me god did not create you for you to just disapear
lets look at it a different way
god created you to speak for him
your words touch many people
keep writing it heals it has definately helped heal me
God Bless
| Posted on 2005-10-03 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  I really can relate. I used to cut and know exactly how you feel. The urge to do it, maybe just to feel a little better for the moment. It's even better that you're writing about something that you have some personal experience in. But then again, best of luck with stopping. Glad you didn't. Break up the lines a little, and it's perfect.

Great job !
| Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by misleadxmyheart | [ Reply to This ]
  yeah, this is good.i know the obsession. Thinking about it, dreaming about it, never knowing that peace till the blade meets the skin.its hard. One of the worst is when your trying to stop, and you find cutlery, and you cant get it out of your mind, and either you end cutting, or you dont and it drives you mad. it sucks., you made this clear in the poem, i enjoyed, and i like the comparison between the "shackles of cutting" and slavery, nice :], but, yeah, i can relate to this poem, i havent cut in like 5 months, and its been hell, but i dont know if it was worth it, but anyways, the poem was good, i ve seen your other poems, and theyre good too, and pm, or email me or wutever if you need to talk or whatever, kudos!

till then
~whatever 14
| Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by whatever14 | [ Reply to This ]
  really nice piece here. i have a cousin who used to cut, but he stopped, thankfully. i hope the same for you. i'd like to see you continue to write, but with a new inspirationary subject. but this is a great poem and the wording and imagery are right on. i think a few of the longer lines should've been broken up, and there were a few grammatical mistakes, but overall a good poem. good effort.
| Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by caster | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow..I love this.The words and imagery are very good and the ryme flow is fantastic...But,the message stands out the most of all.A message of obsessoin and guilt...It just fits all together.Well,I do think that the only probs would be about "They tell me it's wrong but it feels so right".That stanza,I guess you would call it that,just kinda leaves ya hanging.Maybe seperate and repeat a few times in the poem or like the IcoAngel said.The second thing would have to be that it just neds a lil something,but I don't know whay that would be.That's all up to you.
Well,good write and good luck with the future writes.Keep it up cause you did a great job! -Lindel
| Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by LRRolins | [ Reply to This ]

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