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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: for me...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rue
    ASL Info:    16/F/the dark side
    Elite Ratio:    4.54 - 244/182/44
    Words: 33
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/Serious
    Total Views: 958
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 211



    Description:
       I was stoned when I wrote this. I just, found it in my journal, like most pieces posted on here by me. I think it flows. Not really looking for critique-- it's freeverse.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfor me...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    As my rivers flow
    Your lips a honeysuckle glow
    Rub my eyes for me
    Make sure I'm still alive for me
    Breathe for me
    Grieve for me
    Because no one stays around forever.




    Submitted on 2005-09-18 07:50:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. I like this a lot actually. You really put a lot of feeling into such a short piece... even though you were stoned at the time...which probably means you didn't really care if it flowed...lol...anyway, the last line really stands out to me.

    "Because no one stays around forever"

    This line makes it easy to relate to, I guess, because everyone has felt this way at one point
    Thank for hearing me out.
    Keep up the good work.
    -Tiff
    | Posted on 2005-10-09 00:00:00 | by punkrockchic629 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the simplicity. There are some nice images in this. I get a feeling of much more behind it.

    Just a suggestion:

    Breathe for me
    Grieve for me

    would hold the rhyming pattern a bit better.

    I like it.
    | Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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