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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: That Lookdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: whisperslove
    Elite Ratio:    3.96 - 48/37/7
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1376
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 305



    Description:
       Experimental...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThat Lookdots
    -------------------------------------------



    I see that look in your eyes, that look that comes forward to touch me deeply then retreats only to come again and repeat to hold me in some sweet wonder and pleasure at seeing you everyday, day after day, I look for your face in my mornings and smile when I find you there






    Submitted on 2005-09-18 13:41:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a lovely little experiment you have here! Very sweet and how interesting in having this be one long sentence. I love the expression and how you capture the feelings of joy in seeing that person's face and how it brightens your whole day! And I know that look too! And you are so right that it just warms your insides and leaves you longing for it day after day. This is really good! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-09-23 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Mmmm, nice experiment. One long sentence describing your love for this person through the way you feel when they look at you.

    Quite unique, with an excellent finish!

    I loved it

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. It flows well and gives me warm fuzzy feelings.

    Just a thought:
    only to come again and again
    seems a bit cliché.

    What about maybe
    only to come again and repeat.

    That catches a near rhyme on retreats.

    I like it as is, just a different look at it.

    Good job!
    | Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the lullaby effect of this work. now, I'm no expert on meter, i think im meter-less (is that a word?) actually but it sounds great to read it. and the context is warm and hopeful. I need a nice face to look at too with a smile that melts my heart. dreams maybe for me but lovely dreams nevertheless. great one,

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]


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