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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Paindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sistersinister
    ASL Info:    30/f/Tulsa Oklahoma
    Elite Ratio:    3.99 - 101/113/29
    Words: 217
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 242
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1285



    Description:
       I am having a rough day. Seems like the deck is stacked against me and I needed to write.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPaindots
    -------------------------------------------


    I sit here listening to the radio
    Hoping that someone feels like me
    But they can't voice my pain
    Mine is my own choking tragedy
    This misery wraps around my heart
    I beg on bloody knees to be set free
    The heavens it seems, are deaf and blind
    To this stifling pain that lives in me
    Can't I just win once, be the victor at least
    I can't even win in my deepest dream
    I've never had a guardian angel
    No one has the heart to try and save me
    My friends turn traitor when I need them most
    And I am lost here hiding in the dark
    Choking to death on the river of tears
    That ebbs from my oh so broken heart
    Oh please take this need from me
    I can't even get that prayer heard
    I'm tired of wishing and wanting
    And feeling so damn absurd
    I am tired of feeling guilty for being hurt
    And bleeding in the darkness, alone
    I am tired of hoping my tears don't show
    I can't fight anymore, tired of going it alone.
    Don't look at me with those pitiful eyes
    I know that I am lost and helpless
    I am the one that cries til I bleed
    I don't need pills to tell me I am hopeless




    Submitted on 2005-09-18 19:56:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Omg I cannot believe I haven't read your work before. I absolutely LOVED this. It was so awesome, just the right amount of each emotion evident in it. It was written beautifully, the sadness was conveyed. I felt it, I relate to it. Each statement you make is perfect. Each line worthwhile. Flowed well, rhymed well made sense and all the rest.
    Love it! Definately a fav
    Laura-Grace
    | Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      I like your peom because I've been there. It speaks so true to me. Your dying on the inside were no on can see. Begging for this need to leave and feeling so guilty for everything. What hurts the most is when somwone you love plays you false and dissapears when what you really need is some to just stand there and tell you it'll all be okay.
    So much emotion placed into to such descriptive lines.
    | Posted on 2005-09-24 00:00:00 | by Enslaved Shonen | [ Reply to This ]
      Your pain is quite obvious in this write, though you never tell the reader what the "pain" itself might be. This is curious.

    What jumps out from this piece is the "I-centered" focus. From the outset, the writer wishes her pain on someone else:

    "Hoping that someone feels like me."

    This begs the question: "If the pain is so terrible, why would you hope someone else felt it?"

    This too is curious.

    The faith aspects of the write are clouded with doubt with references to God not seeing or hearing the writer's situation, and the absence of angels. This is troubling and assumes much.

    The apparent abandonment by friends is mentioned, but never explained. The blaming finger aspects of this write leave the reader to wonder what caused this rift. This is also troubling.

    There is a great deal more going on here than the writer is willing to acknowledge. The parable of Jesus and the paralytic man by the pool comes to mind. Jesus asked the man, "Do you want to get well?"

    What a curiously troubling question to ask someone who is obviously in need of a cure.
    | Posted on 2005-09-19 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      Put on some Queensryche, crank it just a little and sit back and relax...

    This is a sad and excellent piece. You've expressed yourself well and have some really good lines in here...
    Very nice write
    Lisa
    | Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      Thats so sad, but beautifully written. I am doing the same thing... sitting here listening to the radio hoping that someone feels like me. It turns out... someone does. Well... you express yourself excellently. I noticed that all of my poems only have a few good lines, and the rest just don't really sound as good next to them. But every line in this is great. Good luck with everything. I hope that tomorrow isn't as rough. Great job

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]



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