Description: Opression can't keep every nigga down...believe
The Lost Black -------------------------------------------
I’d like to go where the flower petals glide
I’d like to go through a train’s tunnel
Hands in my pockets, back bent, head back
Kicking the rocks as I go along
Visit the empire of angels
Have a sit and chat with God
Ask Him many questions
Head down looking at my feet
Being careful not to look in His eyes
To see who I really am
Lay back with my head in the white shadow
My feet in the black
Try to figure out the diversity
Ask people why they see 2 different colors
Instead of a glitch in the pastel of our being
Plunge myself 6 feet deep
Mingle with the dead
Listen to all of them say I wish……
They all wish
Travel into each novel
Live other peoples live fictional and real alike
After all everyone wants to be someone else
Am I right?
I have always wanted to be Valentino
That’s who I am; I live with the painful fact that I am myself
No one else is like me unique in every single category
You are ashamed to be who you really are
Negative affects of pop-culture
Racism still raging, Murder on the rise
We are such a loving world aren’t we?
Sarcasm of course
I lost my sight of the world
Visions of hate like a never ending nightmare
So I’d like to be lost
Feel alone but not opressed
At least I would be one less black man to worry about
One less murder in progress
The world is full of fakes
So now I’m going, I’m going to be real
Hi I will take this opportunity to thank you for your lovely comments on my poem "moments..with you" I am glad you like it. Now to your poem, it is a very strong poem. And I like the message you are giving us through it. It has a very smooth flow. You are describing every "situation" very well. You are very right everyone wants to be someone else. You are talking about same very serious problems of our world. It always much more difficult to write on such subjects.
Visit the empire of angels Have a sit and chat with God Ask Him many questions Head down looking at my feet Being careful not to look in His eyes To see who I really am
I really love these lines, it is very creative. It draws a very nice picture. Well done with love shabnam
This was a great write I do believe! I liked how you described everything without being so extremely "common worded" about it. I hate the word cliché, so I'm not gonna use it! lol This is touching on issues that you hit with quite a bit of class, though you could completely sense a bit of rage throughout. You make sure to keep it real, people will notice-at least the important ones will. Great job and keep it up! Candi
There seems to be two styles of communication in movement here. One is said through images (like the white shawdow and feet in the black) and one of political rage (mostly in the second last para). Personally I prefer to read things done in the first style, but regardless, I don't think they join too well together in this poem.
Plunge myself 6 feet deep Mingle with the dead Listen to all of them say I wish…… They all wish
This sudden jump into death and graveyards strikes me as a bit out of place .. I don't know if it adds anything to the poem.
To me the poem would be more complete if you took out para 4 and 5.
Anyway, technical disections and cosmetic surgery aside, this is a good poem. The title is clever and paves the way for the method that you mostly use to describe things. It is quite difficult to say anything about racial issues these days without using the language of stereotypes or political rage. I think you avoided this problem by slowly gliding the reader into the issues you want to talk about, particularly in the second para.