Description: ok night part 3 tell me what you think...since some people appear to not understand the meaning of white noise, a term i thought to be rather common, it is basically the din of everyday life, all the commotion over nothing that we base our lives on.
Night, Part III -------------------------------------------
Sitting on the rooftop
Of my school's locker rooms at 4 AM
No one knows I'm here
As I look down
At the lighted pool
And get lost in its waves,
The blowing wind cutting into the water
Like daggers into sand,
I meditate on my own solitude.
And like an assassin in the dark
I lightly step
From rooftop to rooftop
Of each of my shchool's buildings
Until I am on top of the gym,
The tallest thing in sight.
And I stare up to the moon,
What a difference it makes to look up at her now!
How much closer do I feel
Even forty feet off the ground!
Or perhaps it's just that here above the streetlights
With the cars farther away,
The stars seem brighter,
The air more crisp.
To do away with the white noise,
And allow only the cool dark silence
That is why I come here
That is my passion for the night.
"And get lost in its waves, The blowing wind cutting into the water Like daggers into sand," These three lines and the line following succeeding them, "I meditate on my own solitude." sort of pulls at the opposite ends of a line, like in a tug of war. The violence in those three lines is against the concept of solitude, well, that's what I think. But the imagery in those three lines are very very good I think. I don't quite understand what "white noise" stands for, perhaps it may be making it hard for your readers to comprehend what you are trying to say there. And, it quite good the way you presented the fact that the height you ascended to makes no much difference upwards but downwards. It's actually a good piece. I like it. Keep writing!
Submission Name: Night, Part III
