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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lightning Bug Disasterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rhaine
    ASL Info:    25/Yes/An Alley
    Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 660/744/196
    Words: 162
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 695
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1143



    Description:
       another try at lyrics....please tell me if it sounds like a song


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLightning Bug Disasterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lightning bugs screaming
    Tearing each other apart
    Lighting the city on fire
    Eating all the beauty
    Swallowing all the pain
    And writing in the blood
    That they got from my wrists
    When they killed me
    That this will be the end

    Boiling blood
    Falling from the sky
    And landing in my eyes
    Blinding me and
    Confusing me
    Does anyone see this?

    All the memories flying away
    And the voices flashing in and out
    Asking and calling
    Whispering songs
    That eats my heart out

    Swallow up my world
    And spit it back up
    Tearing my home apart
    Beginning from the very start

    Boiling blood
    Falling from the sky
    And landing in my eyes
    Blinding me and
    Confusing me
    Does anyone see this?

    Skin deteriorating
    Screaming lungs lying on the floor
    Begging to be picked up
    And wind blown into the pipes

    Heads spinning and
    Crying out acid tears

    Can anyone see this?




    Submitted on 2005-09-19 16:57:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ouch. very vivid.. kind of creepy.. i loved the title and the stanzas through out.
    that was very different..and i think ill have images stuck in my head now

    good job *thumbs up sign*
    | Posted on 2005-09-19 00:00:00 | by thehappyfaery | [ Reply to This ]
      This is bizarre. I see it the way you have it divided as verse, chorus, verse, bridge, chorus, bridge, the last part (after chaotic or thrashing music for all the rest) as a coda that winds down kind of drunkenly. I never thought of lightning bugs doing these things. I would've liked to see some sort of reference of whether the bugs are part of the rest of the poem. My favorite part are the 3 lines re: the lungs screaming. I would like to hear this out loud to hear what you stress & add to it w/voice.
    Cleo
    | Posted on 2005-09-19 00:00:00 | by CleoCollier | [ Reply to This ]


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