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    dots Submission Name: Day of Schooldots

    Author: Rue
    ASL Info:    16/F/the dark side
    Elite Ratio:    4.54 - 244/182/44
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 1197
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 725

       I wrote this when i got home from the first day of school. Like, the fourth thing i did, was dump this out. Right after changing my clothes, lighting an incent and getting seriously stoned.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDay of Schooldots

    Cares not that the hypocrisy starts,
    Are masked Polaroid's of empty hearts,
    And brains infested day and night,
    Behind lying glass and utter fright.

    Reaping destruction and daises all at once,
    I'm in the corner, my buddy's the dunce,
    With criticism at our boot heels,
    No one cares how the bad kid feels.

    Move along now, move along,
    As cattle in these empty halls,
    I hear no cool in your stride,
    I see no revolution in your pride.

    The dresser top cradles silver spoon,
    Her chain glinting off the moon,
    But there's always mother, see
    Oh sweet leafe, don't let me be.

    Submitted on 2005-09-19 17:01:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I don't know why more people don't comment on this one...I really liked it and I must say the first stanza is the best...wow this has to be another faves add- your writing really speaks to me for lack of a better overused phrase.;)
    | Posted on 2006-01-04 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know what to say... stanza 2, 3 and 4 didn't move me or caused anything on me … they are rather austere and commonplace falling away into cliché .....but stanza 1 was just the reverse ... you do have something great there ... the imagery is more that superb and the metaphorical language is swell ... I consider you have a golden stanza there... I highly recommend directing the piece on that direction or following what you have there... I feel you could get or achieve something extraordinary if you did that... I was literally open mouthed at the screen by the time I was reading those lines...

    I would be highly interested in reading a re - write if you ever consider doing one.

    Anyhow, feel free to wave aside my suggestions.

    Take care,

    Warm regards,

    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]

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