Waiting to go.. by Maskannai

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Submission Name: Waiting to go.. dots

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Author:	Maskannai
ASL Info:	25/Female/Utah
Elite Ratio:	4.91 - 175/160/69
Words:	99

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	451
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	631

Description:
Nothing in particular very special..

Waiting to go.. dots

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Yawn,

Sigh,

I know it's almost time,
but I can't get my mind
off the slow ticking of the clock;

I look every five seconds,
wishing that the ticking
would speed up a little,
cause I'm tired and want
nothing more than my warm bed;

Another yawn,

then chills,

I know the time is close,
but the clock is still moving
so incredibly slow;

I scowl at the second hand
and huff in annoyance,
then start, realizing
that my time is up..

Submitted on 2005-09-19 23:39:23 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
Maybe I'm just being completely morbid but I can't help but think that the character is waiting to die. Feel free to laugh at that if you were simply writing about someone desperate not to be late for work.

It's the whole yawning thing that makes me think of death, and the chills and of course the last line is quite a big hint. Which, if it's the case makes a nice twist from the mundaneness of the bordem of waiting. If that makes sense...

As for the structure of the poem, it wasn't bad although the clock is a clichéd thing to base a poem about waiting around.

But that said it was well written, the only line I didn't like was "another yawn", the word another seemed a bit unnecessary, we already know she's yawned before.

And thanks for sharing your poem.
| Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
this poem is quite slow and tired, when I read it, i felt quite tired yself lol
well, since you said it wasn't as special, I didn't pay attention to the words, but their quite powerful, it kinda tells us that everything will work out in the end huh? and what we've always waited for will finally come through
this is quite, I've never read anything like this before, it
it's quite different, but I like it coz of that lol

rock on
===felicity===
| Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by Writer Chic | [ Reply to This ]

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