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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Black and whitedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Monkey
    Elite Ratio:    3.97 - 94/133/41
    Words: 384
    Class/Type: Lyrics/The pain inside
    Total Views: 300
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2279



    Description:
       THis is a song about my childhood. I don't want sites, hotlines or any of that sort, I've had all that, I just needed to get it out there.

    ~Mandie Leigh


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlack and whitedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Wounds have plagued this life
    when hope was to far from reach
    a life played out in black and white,
    is a life to end in vein.
    A little secret kept inside,
    has turned into a deadly lifestyle.

    Trying to stand up and be proud,
    hoping to be brave.
    Praying for the strength to speak,
    as all eyes fall upon.
    A cry for help, left unheard,
    will surely be the end.

    A cheery mother, oh so willing
    has a little secret. When all the guests
    have departed, she screams and slaps,
    and on so forth,
    she's exceeding the normal parent.

    Trying to stand up and be proud,
    hoping to be brave.
    Praying for the Strength to speak,
    as all eyes lay upon.
    A cry for help, left untouched,
    will surely unfortunate.

    Past reveal a father,
    so loving, great and kind,
    hides away from the wife,
    night after time.
    love is not a question,
    or doubt in the minds,
    but a silent plead for help,
    from the children,
    leaves him intoxicated.

    Trying to stand up and be proud,
    hoping to be brave,
    praying for the strength to speak,
    as all eyes fall upon.
    A cry for help left untended will surely
    be destruction.

    Normal as a child,
    but always playing games,
    focus all the things on fantasy,
    forget about reality.
    Locking siblings in a room,
    only one window to be found,
    No food nor water to speak of,
    when he finally lets them out.

    Trying to stand up and be proud,
    hoping to be brave,
    praying for the strength to speak,
    as all eyes fall to one.
    A plead for attention,
    just ignored,
    is a setting for disaster.

    Growing up,
    seems to far advanced.
    A childhood played out
    in black and white,
    is now the end.
    A child beaten,
    and witnessed it as well,
    is soon to be laid to rest.
    As no eyes fall upon.

    A merciful plead for anyone,
    has ended in once and for all.




    Submitted on 2005-09-19 23:58:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      *skquinches nose* It is good, but i think that you could do better. the first part of all the stansas and i am not sure what but the last few line seem to fall aparat. I am sorry if i am being brutal. I liked the first stansa though, but i really really think, no i know you can do better. The rythum could be a little more uniform and either pick ryming or plainly don't. But i think that it is a good poem. I am sorry if this seems a little harsh.
    ~Shadow
    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by Moonshadow | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this! there much emotion there, so i feel your pain. help-hotlines don't work, and i am glad you know that. sometimes it is better to speak to someone who understands you and get it out that way. or, as you have done, put it in your poetry and let people hear it! keep writing and don't let your past prevent you from your future! peace
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by L.i. | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this was very effective-because it brought tears to my eyes and made me feel sick inside. It's just too close to home. Time doesn't heal all wounds...I can't think of anything uplifting to say. That whole survivor crap I never found very helpful. I'm really glad you take to writing. I like to take the most painful experiences of my life, the most ugly (well, that's how I feel about it) and vulnerable parts of me and express them, get them out (almost like excorcising inner demons) and make some sort of art out of them (make life out of decay). You definitely have the ablity to conjure up emotions- that's an under statement. I lived in a fantasy world growing up. Reality was too much too bear. Now I'm working towards turning this fantasy world into a career.
    Drugs, in the end, I think, don't ease the pain or help bring it to the surface- they only distort it, leaving us more confused and lost-unable to find our way through hell (although if used in moderation some of them I think can help us glimpse aspects and symbols of our subconsious that can potentially lead to enlightment...okay, sorry I'm rambling now and not sure what I'm saying).
    A heavy and provocative, very personal and naked write. You are really brave.
    | Posted on 2005-11-06 00:00:00 | by fo | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this sounds serious, and it seems like you went through a lot. I don't know how I would handle the situation either.. From day to day surviving something like that... For sure amazing... Its ok that you finally had to get it out... because sometimes you have to let it out, so you can feel a little bit better. Maybe its time you moved on, but its not that easy... I don't know if you can actually move on from a situation like this... I can't really say much overall...

    What I can say though, this was some amazing lyrics... you wrote them really good. I am gonna add them to my favorites, for the written part... not the lifestyle... Which in my eyes people probably look up to you and call you a hero.

    Stephanie
    | Posted on 2005-09-25 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow-even if you don't want to READ a website, or need help now, this poem would be very good to share with others, I think. Others whose suffering may still be very fresh, or very confusing to them.
    I like how you changed the refrain each time. The seemingly same refrain gets the reader into a cycle with the poet, but then the change subtly shows the progression of the subject's circumstances. The unfortunate end is powerful. You also managed to describe the antagonists in this short piece (considering the scope of what it covers) with some sympathy. This shows some sophistication on the poet's part.
    Ultimately tragic piece, but here you are writing-which can be good for you or anyone who needs this release/understanding.
    Much luck to you. Hope you see that you're being polished into someone resilient & beautiful!
    Cleo
    | Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by CleoCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      Mandie,
    Please don't do what I think you are planning. Prove me wrong. I'm sorry about all you had to go through. I'ts hard I'm sure. Everyday is a challenge for one who has had a terrible childhood. If you wish to just get it out...PM me or e-mail me, Wanda
    | Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]



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