Sultry Summer Night by onetruesmartass

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Submission Name: Sultry Summer Night dots

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Author:	onetruesmartass
ASL Info:	30/F/Wa
Elite Ratio:	4.01 - 934/791/77
Words:	84

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	346
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	616

Description:
Inspired by...well, you know

Sultry Summer Night dots

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Heat.
Stifling, sweaty.
Try to get comfortable.
Too hot to sleep.
Fan isn't doing enough.
Peel off thin nightgown,
Step onto the veranda
Clad only in skin.
No breeze to cool,
No whisper of rain.
Clouds hang low in the sky.
Too hot for stars to shine.
Thunder rumbles in the distance
Teasing with the promise of relief.
A first cool drop
Sizzling on bare skin.
More come
Washing away the heat,
The sweat
Of this sultry summer night.
Lay down again,
Dreamless sleep.

Submitted on 2005-09-20 13:37:23 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Well damn, the way you described the night certainly wouldn't lead me to believe that you were heading for bed!

I would have at least slept on my porch swing or something..with a bottle and a pack of smokes...and maybe a book or little radio turned on AM with a bunch of angry little men shouting about nonsense.

That is where i would get naked and go play in the rain...anything but fall asleep. But I suppose thats just me.

You could have done alot more with the imagery, but for all I know...you could have already made this poem exactly as you want it.

MyX
| Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]
  ooo this is very good! after reading it, im startign to feel the heat, and its a cold november washington day!
i love your description, especially this line:
"Too hot for stars to shine."
| Posted on 2005-11-13 00:00:00 | by andnow | [ Reply to This ]
  Really enjoyable poem on a November day. This is just what I needed.
It is very good, very descriptive. The anticipation of rain gave it sensual and sexy tone.
This poem will keep me warm for the rest of the day. “No whisper of rain.
Clouds hang low in the sky.” These are my favorite lines.
| Posted on 2005-11-07 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
  Very nice way of writing about heat! You used great wording, and had a very nice and steady sense of imagery. It also had a great flow. This was so great, I don't even know what to say Great Write!
| Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by miss__smiles | [ Reply to This ]
  You have done a fine description here noticing not one "I" in this. the heat of an approaching storm. to be write honest, I didnt expect this from hot sultry nights haha. I dont like those nights that are too hot to sleep sweating on a pillow blech. ive had many of those rainy nights that didnt help much with the humidty and heat then there were other times when a storm would drop it about degrees sometimes even more. very nicely done, Traci.

~mike
| Posted on 2005-09-24 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  The lack of pronouns is incredibly done! This is an excellent write. Somewhere between sensual and hot (literally), that need for relief from the heat - sizzle.

Very well done, placing the reader in the position of watching you as you deal with heat yet tight enough to keep the reader focused.

M
| Posted on 2005-09-22 00:00:00 | by celtic_poet | [ Reply to This ]
  OK, Trav, I think I get it...although, you know, this could almost be a premonition of Katrina...(I know what it really means)

You really told this beautifully, in the innocent mode, you actually walk out onto the verandah with her (well I did, although I was a bit hung up on this gorgeous nude chick heading outside for a breath of air - had me reaching for my binoculars)

Very very sultry, dear, and very very good.

Be Happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  images keep reinforcing themselves in my mind as i read this, because you have really set the scene up for me. it's a very visible picture and i can see the girl going out onto the balcony, waiting for the rain. i can see the girl feeling that first drop, and then the rain pouring down. i can see her falling into a dreamless sleep, satisfied with the cool, breezy relief.

no breeze to cool / no whisper of rain / clouds hang low in the sky / too hot for stars to shine

what a beautiful few lines that is. thanks.
| Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by keithypoo | [ Reply to This ]
  I loved it. The images you put together took over my mind. I was more watching a movie of your doing than reading a poem.
A first cool drop
Sizzling on bare skin
I love that line. Hey I dig your style. Keep doing your thing.
| Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by Silver20G | [ Reply to This ]
  This is an amazing little piece, sweetie!. Almost like I had been lifted out of Washington State and ended up in Mississippi or Louisianna. I could even see fireflies!

This piece made me thirsty! Must go get a cold soda!

Love ya!
-Chell-
| Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
  Sultry sexy write. The beauty of relief.. my, you have a subtle way with sensuous rain.
Dreamless sleep.. aftermath of love. Empty mind.
+Jo
| Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by whisperslove | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice touch and very well done - knew you could do it...

Scene is well described, your words...always reading so well and smooth...fine piece
"Thunder rumbles in the distance
Teasing with the promise of relief.
A first cool drop
Sizzling on bare skin."
Really like those lines...major visual on that

Another great write Sweetness...
Lisa
| Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]

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