Description: I'm just trapped in a moment of my life and I know when I look back to this it will seem like time flew by, but right now it is creeping by and I just feel so impatient about it.
waiting on time -------------------------------------------
And it was written
Then frozen in time
Life
Unyielding to the great measures
Those individuals take
To stop by recession
Or hurry the progression
And now I'm caught
In its stand still
Pushing it to turn
All my efforts for nothing.
Waiting times measure
As it now knows best
And I'm only awaiting its judgment
That never seems swift enough
I'm standing on time
As I watch the minutes click
And the seconds drain
Till the end of my life
first line started it off with a bang i was like whoa what a great discripion
Life
Unyielding to the great measures <--- that line ... the only thing i would change is the second stanza the last two lines read a bit ...hmm rushed maybe
recession Or hurry the progression see thats the only part that rymes so it doesnt really fit in i would either change that line or every other line to match that ryme pattern but over all it was really cool and spritual and like good vocabualry i liked it
I liked this very much. You are right it will strat spending by faster then you could ever know. I'm just a bit older than you. I couldn't wait either, and now I wish I had more time. I'm just 30, but it feels so much older. Your poem was well written and easy to follow along with and relate to. Very good work.
This is a real good write To me you speak of someone who has become impatient for letting the positive destroy the negative Remember it takes time to heal I hope you are looking at Life with a more clear outlook Never give up the Dream you hold inside God Bless Ron
this makes me feel a great deal older than i am; watching time catch up with me... you know, i find it funny how some people live hour by hour, just wanting the day to be through but don't realize we only have a certain number of them alloted to us. you've done a nice job on this piece and i get a feeling of dread reading this, watching the end come... thanks for sharing this with the rest of us, i really like it!
Oww- day-um… That kind of ends sharply and down. I lyke that!
I love the lyne “I'm standing on time” That’s deep lyke the ocean and shyte. It will take much ponderence for thys 5am and sleepless boi to make click…
I spent the better part of my today with a client who kept asking me "what's next" (I am a social worker) and though everything we did was pleasant it's only an attempt on her part to rush though the day. And I feel so sad that all of her moments are lived in anticipation of the future,
she totally misses the present, and it's the only time that has soul sunk beauty. Great job on this one. thanks so much for sharing, prayers for you and your baby boy, Love,
i like this, because while it's clear what you're saying, if you didn't read the description, you could interpret it in a different way. nice job, very tidy and neat.
You show promise. I thought that this piece was pretty good and the concept of time and it's brevity is something that concerns us all. a couple of lines jerked dubiously but for the most part I enjoyed this piece. kepp em coming my friend.
I catch the meaning of this very easily and that is one good thing about this piece. Continue to write your work and I can promise that I will read it if no one else lol!
Submission Name: waiting on time
