Dance With Me by onetruesmartass

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Submission Name: Dance With Me dots

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Author:	onetruesmartass
ASL Info:	30/F/Wa
Elite Ratio:	4.01 - 934/791/77
Words:	126

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	434
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	826

Description:

Dance With Me dots

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We both know what's coming,
Been up most the night.
Neither going to give in,
Just not worth the fight.

Resigned instead of angry,
Time to get some sleep.
But before we do,
One last time, dance with me.

Into each other's arms
No tears left to be cried.
It's just so damn hard
To admit our love has died.

Slowly moving to our song,
My head upon your chest.
Saddness fills my heart
As I claim the need for rest.

Morning came too soon,
Time to part ways.
Heavy silence fills the house
As I resist asking you to stay.

I hope you know
Whatever was meant to be
I'm glad it was you
That shared the dance with me.

Submitted on 2005-09-20 15:23:52 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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||| Comments |||
  that poem is AMAZING. The best I have read in ages, seriously, I could almost cry. And I rarely ever cry from other peoples poetry. Its a completely moving farewell poem and happens to be exactly what I am going through right now, which helps me relate so much more. I am stunned at how well it was written. Seriously AMAZING.

-Randee
| Posted on 2006-11-25 00:00:00 | by UnderlinedInRed | [ Reply to This ]
  beautiful poem.

It's a fairwell poem... it's someone finishing something that might not have been the most pleasent thing in the world... finishing it nicely. Finishing it respectfully and even having some second thoughts about it. Maybe because of the routine or maybe because at some point, even the tiniest, there was love there.

kudos ;)

-Nyn
| Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by Nynaeve | [ Reply to This ]
  I usually don’t like poems formatted like this (way too classical for me) but I loved this one. You described well-known situation in asimple, subtle and elegant way that perfectly matched to the formatting of the poem. It is very sad poem, but you carried it with sense of dignity and I praise you for that.
| Posted on 2005-11-07 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
  I know I've been away from ES WAY too long, but I'm really glad I'm taking time to catch up, rather than dumping all the notes and comments. This is a great piece.

I love how you've managed to make the topic obvious without stating it. Sure it's all there indirectly, but you give to us slow and easy, without narration.

Very painful and real,
Steve
| Posted on 2005-10-09 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
  One can really feel the bittersweet love in this poem. The deep emotions that jump out at you while reading it.
Knowing it's over.. yet wanting that one last dance.
The "dance". meaning the life you shared while you were together.. and the "last dance" to end that part of your life.
I like the last lines.. they wrap it up wonderfully.
~Sandra
| Posted on 2005-09-30 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
  To be the one known as having the last dance. A sweet and loving piece, I believe I have stumbled on to a great writer with these 2 pieces I have found.

It was said once or twice, but bittersweet comes to mind and for me this just reads extremely well and is an excellent submission.

You write very well, full of emotion and power.

M.
| Posted on 2005-09-22 00:00:00 | by celtic_poet | [ Reply to This ]
  Well Travi, this is a different road to travel for you.

You certainly portrayed the part well, and kept the sadness up to par thr entire way through.

Very interesting, I liked his one cos it was so different. It could also read as a eulogy, as the "sleep" can signify death, and the whole piece could describe a long life together...like I said, interesting.

Well done

Be Happy

Graeme

| Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  i really like this! I did one with the same title yet it was quite different, though i like yours very much!
its interesting how you can take the same title and yet come up with the two different stories.

this had alot of emotion in it, you could see the pain.

'I hope you know
Whatever was meant to be
I'm glad it was you
That shared the dance with me.'

the last part was very touching. i think that this was written very well, that i could see it.
you painted the picture in my head.
you really used a simple form and wording but it made it all the more powerful.

take care~
jennifer
| Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
  well that's a freakin depressing way to start my day! that's good writing. and i've been there, and it stings. how awful, holding on, knowing that in a little while you have to let go, have to say goodbye...you've captured that beautifully here. daddy like.
| Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
  Sweetness
This is a piece that is although sad it leaves the thought that these lovers/friends can still be some kind of friends. Bittersweet is perhaps the word I was looking for earlier. Perhaps it is the night, or events of today that changed my outlook, but when I first read this, it was bittersweet and left me that although they were parting – it was with memories of the sweeter things and the open door of friends…

When I read it now, at 3am and mind you, I am sober (was DD) it has a different feel for it. Forlorn – sad reflection of what used to be and the way it is now…regret that it couldn’t stay as it was.

It’s Beautiful Traci. It glides – it dances slowly to music in my head…it is a whole h*ell of a lot of good stuff all wrapped up in your poem…

Excellent – very excellent write,
Lisa
| Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
  bittersweet seems to be the word that comes to mind. from your poem, it's easy to feel the intense sadness and pain that the girl feels, longing for that last dance and knowing it's meaningless (that's how i took it...). anyway, yeah, i liked it a lot...very emotional and simple, like chell said.

the fourth stanza is my favorite...beautiful...
| Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by keithypoo | [ Reply to This ]
  Awww...how smooth and sweet. I know nights like these and mornings as well. But yeah, the dancing is the best part. Your words here glide as nimbly as a person dancing would, and that makes it a cool read...one the reader can get into and glide with. Nice job Traci. Have a good one and keep smilin'
| Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  Aww. This is sweet. Seems wierd. Why's the fellow leaving exactly? They got in another fight? They're getting divorced or breaking up? He's shipping off for deployment or whatev? Doubt that one, heh, heh. Just seems like two lovers in a quarrel, with the sweet last dance to end on good, mature terms. A good read. Peace. -rue
| Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
  gosh Traci this is really sad, is everything ok? this is just a character right? tell me that so i can feel dumb and be relieved that your life is swell very nice but awfully sad.

~mike
| Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  Very, very touching. Your Kung Fu is very strong, and I'm needing a tissue. Of course I hate you because you write poetry better than I ever could.
| Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by Grey Fox | [ Reply to This ]
  You'll always have the dance. A sad little writing, Traci. I'm always amazed at how you can write such simply-worded, emotion-packed poems. (I envy your ability.)

I think you're writers block has passed- Thank god! It's nice to see you posting!

Love Ya!
-Chell-
| Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]

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