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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: your little whore (v 3.0)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeffiner
    ASL Info:    17/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.08 - 87/106/45
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 994
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 522



    Description:
       i guess with submitting all three versions i'm wondering which one people like the most, so if you could read them all and tell me that, i would be extremely grateful.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsyour little whore (v 3.0)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    iím not afraid to be that girl
    the one who moans and cries
    for the boy who promised the world
    for the boy that spent the night

    this sweet, sweet hell
    feels like heaven coming 'round
    and i guess i'm coming too

    with swollen lips and blood-shot eyes
    and with a hunger for so much more
    with sore hips and sore thighs
    iím just your little whore.

    so won't you take me, break me
    iím already yours.




    Submitted on 2005-09-20 15:49:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      In order (best to worst), i'd say 1,3,2. However, i still also say that this is a scary subject to be writing about, speak less of actually making poetry of it. I agree you have talent, but i suggest you take a step back and reexamine your style, maybe even try something new. the key to becoming the best at someting is effort, but apparently you already have some of that, especially if you took the time to revise one poem three times. Now you just need to add "following the right footprints to success" and you'll have the best version you've been waiting for. God bless.
    ~Yele
    | Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by Dalja | [ Reply to This ]
      hey sexy, you are my type.do you want to meet?be careful about the things that you write.there are [censored]s out here. SoNNy
    | Posted on 2005-09-24 00:00:00 | by sickly | [ Reply to This ]
      we all agree in my house hold your a to young to be writeing that shame on you. you shouldnt put yourself out there like that your olny 15 girl slow down :)
    | Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by latrice | [ Reply to This ]
      I think V.3 is the best. It is very direct, straight to the point and quite erotic in it's nature. It is very good. Keep writing, you have a good talent.
    | Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]


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