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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lie To Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: disturbed420
    ASL Info:    20/f/wpg
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 36/35/15
    Words: 230
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Depressed
    Total Views: 927
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1589



    Description:
       Song I wrote while in the 10th grade...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLie To Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    I was standing there, did you see my pass by?
    The detached little girl, buried in these sacrificial lies.
    I'm slipping on this trail of blood,
    they're pulling out my insides
    and displaying them beneath the toes of this suicide.

    You call this life?
    Well, could this be life?
    Lie to me - say probably.
    Yeah, lie to me.
    Say sure, maybe, possibly.
    This could be my life...

    I was dying there, did you see me disappear?
    Your words sound hollow, but the meaning's clear.
    I'm killing these intentions
    While they remodel this casket of fear
    And the gravestone will read: "Life does not live here."

    Could you call this life?
    This incessant slow drone?
    Lie to me - say probably.
    Just lie to me.
    Say sure, maybe, possibly.
    Say anything you can this time.
    Yeah, say everything you can,
    Lie to me...

    I was reaching for the tips of you
    to feel your warmth beneath these decaying hands.
    I was waiting in this unmarked grave,
    bleeding in this unmarked grave,
    dying in this unmarked grave,
    I was reaching out for you...

    So you call this life?
    Could this be life,
    this misshapen scheme of incedent?
    Lie to me,
    Say everything...
    If you call this life...

    And you call this my life,
    yeah you call it worth living,
    but you're lying through you're teeth......




    Submitted on 2005-09-20 18:27:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This piece is absolutely amazing.
    Sad
    But Beautiful.
    This is the first piece that I've read by you, but you can rest assured that I will be critiquing more pieces. You're quite talented, from what I can see.
    This is truly an emotional moving piece. I could feel the cool flow of the lyrics run through me as I read each line. Even though I've never put my thoughts into words or poetry when I felt them, I have felt similar to what you're conveying within this piece.

    Great write.
    Looking forward to reading more.

    Crystal
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by purely_complex | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent lyrics... I love the way you stay on topic, and the images this weaves, especially the lines:

    I was reaching for the tips of you
    to feel your warmth beneath these decaying hands.
    I was waiting in this unmarked grave,
    bleeding in this unmarked grave,
    dying in this unmarked grave,
    I was reaching out for you...

    If there was one thing that I found kinda off a little, but ok I am in NO way a critic or know what I'm talking about, ok??? -BUT, with that said, in the line:

    And the gravestone will read: "Life does not live here."

    "Live" with "Life" in the sentence seemed a little over- I like the idea of it being "Life does not sleep here," since its a grave... Anyway, I really like this one... it has that goth-y feel underlying it.
    | Posted on 2005-09-22 00:00:00 | by grey_girl | [ Reply to This ]
      OMG...this is amazing(and creepy) i am currently dealing with friends who claim i am depressed.. they always try to convince me that llife is worth living...i say some stuff about life being a mess and pointless, but my friend firmly reminds me that i can fall back on him... sometimes i cant find a reason to get out of bed...i dont want to keep living...but i would rather spit in hell's face and celebrate my victory than go the easy way... but whats the point...we're all dying...i just wish my death would happen faster...ive wasted enough of your time...great poem by the way...
    | Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by Alyra | [ Reply to This ]


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