Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Maybe Thendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: disturbed420
    ASL Info:    20/f/wpg
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 36/35/15
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 917
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 697



    Description:
       This poem is actually dedicated to one of my very close friends who commited suicide in October of 2004... he told me everything, I didn't see the signs, even having tried a few times myself. The guilt still plagues me...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMaybe Thendots
    -------------------------------------------


    My diamond studded eyelids
    lay still as you talk.
    My perfect lacy dress,
    swinging as we walk.
    I cannot talk,
    but I can listen.
    You tell my everything,
    as my sparkling eyes glisten.
    Now all of your problems,
    seem to float away.
    As your diamond studded eyelids
    stay still as you lay.
    I wish I could've said something,
    to your mom or your dad.
    Maybe then, they would see,
    God I wish they had...
    You told me everything.
    all your sorrow and your strife.
    If you had someone real to talk to...
    Maybe then....
    You wouldn't have taken your life.




    Submitted on 2005-09-20 18:52:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i felt that it was honest and from the heart. i could feel the pain in the words. they were simple, but they were clear in their intentions. i thought that it could of been a little deeper. i thought that it could have delved deeper into the pain, brought it more to the surface. overall, i thought that it had a good emotion to it. i am sorry for your loss. stay strong. the sun always rises.
    | Posted on 2005-09-20 00:00:00 | by maquiladora | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    75020

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry