hmm my only real suggestion would be to use punctuation so it will flow a bit better and work out some minor grammatical errors. other than that, its pretty solid.
take care X
p.s. if you like darkness, you should see some of my works..
i loved the rhyming! i also agree u have this style of writing that ive never read before! its rather interesting so imma read more of ur stuff! i really like it! ~akaila evonne~