Description: i thought of this cuz i have a family member in the hospital and i thought what if they die....where will they go? where will i go when i pass? no one ever knows till it happens.....and its not done yet cuz i got writers block so ill finish it when i can
i look one way and see the light
i look the other and see the dark.
i see the light so bright and pure
i see the dark so diseased
and without a cure
my mind says go with the light
my body says another
my heart says dont even bother
the dark attracts me more
with all the fire and gore
the light attracts me less
cuz its so perfect with no stress
i thought that it was kind of choppy. i think that punctuation would help out a lot in helping it to read smoother. and i got the feeling that you were trying to hard to rhyme. it doesn't have to rhyme. if it doesn't fit, just keep going. sometimes it sounds better without rhyming. i would like to see where you go with this though.
I dont get this piece... I like the purpose behind it but i dont get the picture... its like you got a choice where you are going and you wanna go to one place more than the other... anyways if the meaning was clear i would be able to elaborate more i liked some lines though so yeah... Keep writing
Submission Name: Decisions pt1
