The Last Noise by josymanthegreat

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: The Last Noise dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	josymanthegreat
ASL Info:	21/m/GA from Puerto Rico
Elite Ratio:	4.73 - 337/364/104
Words:	84

Class/Type:	Poetry/Dark
Total Views:	740
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	483

Description:
This is supposed to be the closer to my story the noise I know its not as good my mind blocked on me but still i want to see what people think about it... Its the last poem in "The Noise" series and its subject to edition so yeah

The Last Noise dots

-------------------------------------------

I wake up now,
and I'm in a dark room,
I look around peering,
the noise still counts to my doom

Can't move my arms,
they are trapped,
and by a number I am marked,
in this institution

They have came up to a conclusion,
That I am not sane,
But they are wrong and I am right,
This was the noise of pain
and as crazy as they say I am
They are going to feel my pain...

Submitted on 2005-09-21 14:13:08 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Ooo If only you could have seen the look of shock on my face lol I think this is a great ending. You are so good with words. VERY creative. You constantly amaze me... Beautifully done... I love the dark shadows that seem to hang over every line. Great job

-nikkki
| Posted on 2005-10-04 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
  hmm..this one...i dintlike as much as the others...the flow wasnt right for me...but you have great taste on what you write about...its kool!

XxXSuicidalxxChildXxX
| Posted on 2005-09-24 00:00:00 | by Suicidalchild51 | [ Reply to This ]
  What you have here is really good but I think you could elaborate a little more with this ending piece! Part 3 is really attention getting and surprising so the ending should be equally interesting. Maybe elaborate a bit more on what your pain actually is? You mention that the noise in your head is caused from pain but maybe add another stanza and describe what kind of pain it is and maybe why is caused you to act out the way you did? I like the waking up in an institution part...kinda like a black out period there which is very good. Just a little added details here and you have yourself an awesome story. I think all 4 flowed together nicely and a few more details might be just what this ending needs. Otherwise I am impressed with this and think it is very good! I shall be around to read more of your work! Take care!

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-09-22 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Okay... NOt what I expected. I dont really get it. Well.. I get it but I dont... DOes that make any sense???

Drea
| Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by Drea | [ Reply to This ]
  weird but ok i get the drift your someplace you don't belong and want to get out ? close or not?
anyways good job you do write in a weird way but unique is what makes every person themselves~becka
| Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by boo boo | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm confused...is it that you are in the institution, and your searching for revenge...or is life like an institution...oh well...it's a good piece, I agree with iluvpoetry that it could be longer, but to each their own...
| Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by t0_eazy | [ Reply to This ]
  this is good but i strongly feel this could be longer the rhythm was there i could feel ur pain! but like u did already say ur brain closed on u mine does that to! other than that this rox my sox! good job!
~akaila evonne~
| Posted on 2005-09-21 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

75110

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.