I've read a few poems about "the pill", but this one was the best by far. Non-rhyming poems don't usually go with me, but this was pretty sweet. And in your poem, you don't just say like "I took a pill, big deal", you give a reason why you took a pill and that's because you feel pain inside, and I understand that pain a little too much.
Great. Just lovely.... good theme but you could have at least put bigger words in it, and made it longer. You might as well have said:
"I took a pill, and that's it."
Over and over again too, that's how boring it was. I've taken pills before, dozens and dozens, and the way I felt could have took a poem on and on into almost no where, because it would never have to end. I guess my imagination is more powerful than yours, because in all your poems, even the good ones, their dull.
They could all use improvement. You have raw talent, so don't stop!
Very good Steven, I thought they where bad too, but I still started taking them. Good job. Can't follow my heart Hurts too much So I let the pill lead me, that's exactly how I felt when I first expierenced a pill.
another good poem by you! congrats. very short and simple. you didnt need to write a long one to get your point across. is there a certain drug this is about? im just wondering. i really did like it though :) ashley
it is a topic that is often chosen but it also a topic that happens alot. & i think you set yourslef apart a bit, this goes a little deeper then most.
short & simple form. but the words you used seemed to go beyond.
'Mouth sewn shut So my words don't escape Yet the pill finds its way in'
i really like that part. it shows that you dont want to, yet you do it anyways. you need it..
'Can't follow my heart Hurts too much So I let the pill lead me'
it gives a reason. it hurts too much.. so i take the pill. it takes you away from this world.. which moves perfectly into the next part.
'Bitter yet powerful Its promise is great I live my life in a dream
Just me..... And the pill'
in a dream. interesting thoughts. you did a great job on this. i also think its interesting that you wrote about it also because they write about other poeple doing it. not themselves. yet you came out and wrote. it shows strength. thank you ~jennifer
Being tempted by what many call "the pill" myself on many occasions, I found this write very easy to connect with. Although it is short, the words you use express the idea amazingly well. Thank you for writing such a wonderful piece.
It's obsession, domination, superiority, and the nagging truth all breathing down the poem's neck. I feel the strain of blood crying for the pill. It's like being stretched to far out by something so small, so harmless to the innocent eye. The pill becomes a part of your skin, the lines on your hands. It seems like the only thing that connects to you. I felt all of this as I read your poem. It's not depressing because of your addiction but because it tells the truth so vividly that it hurts. I can see you typing this in hesitation maybe even fear of letting the truth be told. Maybe I'm wrong. All I really know is, truthfully, this poem shows so much in it's words and I thank you for writing it.