Wish I Could Go Back In Time by Wolfeye

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Submission Name: Wish I Could Go Back In Time dots

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Author:	Wolfeye_666
ASL Info:	14/M/Canada
Elite Ratio:	6.53 - 140/112/21
Words:	132

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	350
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	821

Description:
Well, you'll find out

Wish I Could Go Back In Time dots

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Too much…
Never thought it could happen,
I wished I could go back a week ago and fix it,
Because I really care for her,
But if she doesn’t I respect her because I care for her,
It’s her choice,
The choice I will respect,
I just hope she still likes me,
Because if she doesn’t I’m wasting my time,
This is complicated,
And I just hope I could go undo the past,
So we would be still close by,
Because when I’m with her nothing can go wrong,
Because when I’m with her,
It’s just to enjoyable,
So please,
I’d like to start back at day one,
And I hope you will too,
Offering you,
I am waiting,
For a sign,
When…Nobody knows,
Even though I’d like to know presently…

Submitted on 2005-09-22 13:25:33 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Hm. I got a mixed opinion about this piece.

Might be because it's one of your earlier works, but it seems as if you had just started handling and experimenting with poetry, how to write with it, use it, etc.

But for that, my hat's off to you.

It really takes a type of confidence to display this simple honesty. Especially in poetry, where most of the audience would agree that it should be discovered and not spoiled by the poet.

I'm not at all saying that you ruined it for me. I'm say that you took that extra step in revealing your emotions, rather than veiling it with a million and seven metaphors, similies, personifications...you just said it.

Like a man. I appreciate that form.

BUT

I also feel that there was effort lacking. I would rather see this brilliance somewhat displayed. Work with vocabulary more than the scenery. Find more descriptive words. There are ways to write bluntly without having to be so...blunt.

My case rests. I'll be keeping track of you.
| Posted on 2006-06-17 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]
  It's not really poemish[not currently a word but might someday be]. It's more like a letter or an entry in a journal. It is detailed but It's confusing, you are obviously not clear about things in this situation but it's like you recited your thoughts. My suggestion is that you describe your confusion instead of saying point blank what you think. Unless the object was to say point blank what you thought, of coarse.
| Posted on 2005-09-22 00:00:00 | by alittlebithippy | [ Reply to This ]
  i always love the truth and honesty in all your poems.
though in the middle it didnt sound as.. poetic.. more like you were talking.
dont write it like a letter as much, would be my suggestion.

love is so complicated.. as you pointed out.
i still have not figured it out.

but i really like this. it think my favorite so far from you.
you really do have talent. just use it and get better, because soon you will pass me by ;)
cant wait for your next
~jennifer
| Posted on 2005-09-22 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]

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