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    dots Submission Name: For Youdots

    Author: disturbed420
    ASL Info:    20/f/wpg
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 36/35/15
    Words: 207
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Longing
    Total Views: 1019
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1001

       This was something I wrote while longing after my ex-boyfriend. It was an amazing time in my life, but sadly, we went separate directions.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor Youdots

    We haven't known eachother very long, I'm not sure, but I feel that somewhere I've gone wrong. I've never had this feeling before. I want you to know, but then again, I don't. Whenever I see you, I lose my breath. Do I tell you something that may turn you away? Do I tell you that I think of you every single day? Your beautiful eyes lock with mine, I ask myself, are you thinking the same as me? The way you look at me, it reaches my heart. I think you feel the same, but maybe you're afraid, too. I want to hold you in my arms, protect you from everything, keep you safe and warm. I just can't explain the way I feel, but I want you to know, my love is for real. The things you say, the things you do, make me think that you want me, too. I know you are longing for passion, for love. So far, you haven't found what you want. I think I could give you that, but where and how do I start? 'Cause if I'm wrong.... it could tear us apart.

    Submitted on 2005-09-22 17:52:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think you could space this out a bit, you know? It's a bit of a clutter to read in my opinion.

    I have to agree with Jaydee here (your last commenter) about making a poem 'yours', you know?

    Just a thought.
    | Posted on 2005-10-10 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      dude you gotta put this through a spell check... im like the worst spelling nazi out at the moment but theres so many spelling errors in here that it would be easier for you to spell check it instead... i realise that to some spelling isnt important but it just gives your write more credibility and its less distracting for the reader...

    now i also wanna encourage you to keep as far away from clichés as possible...
    i realise that clichés are clichés coz they are quite possibly the best and easiest way to say something and yet part of the challenge of writing is to find your own words and means of expressing yourself without relying on whats already been said...
    make the words yours... own them... explore your feelings and put them into words that mean something to you! who cares if no one else understands... i once read a write on here that said "you make my day rain" and that was a term of endearment that many ppl struggled with comprehending... make it yours!

    theres a coupla things to work on for future writes... if you work at them your writing will get better and better but you will also find your own groove or signature as a writer too... im finding that i seem to have found a unique groove that is mine just from challenging myself to better myself... its not a comparison game... dont compare yourself to anyone else just what you are writing now to what you have written and you will keep evolving and getting stronger... hope theres something useful in this comment... see ya round
    | Posted on 2005-09-22 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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