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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Trappeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: disturbed420
    ASL Info:    20/f/wpg
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 36/35/15
    Words: 195
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Trapped
    Total Views: 1068
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1344



    Description:
       About another of my exes with whom I lived with for a year and a half. Pure Hell.

    *Note* Thank you to Someones Epiphany for the suggestions! Wonderful!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTrappeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    You're lost inside your lies again.
    Ignoring the shadows on the wall again.
    And admitting defeat as you begin to tread this street of discontent again...

    You can't even see me standing here,
    against your world I just disappear.
    So I'll scream at you just to hear the sound
    'Cause I'm tired, so tired
    of this tempermental battle ground.

    I pound my fist on your closet door,
    but I don't even know what I'm waiting for.
    It's just one more war, and I can't hold these expectations against you anymore...

    If you can't see me standing here,
    then why then hell am I standing here?
    'Cause against your world I always disappear.
    I'm going to scream at you, just to hear the sound.
    I'm tired, you know I'm so tired
    of this tempermental, superficial battle ground.

    So just pull your hands from your ears
    I'll try to make this perfectly clear
    If you can't make it through this claustrophobic nightmare
    Don't expect me to be waiting here.

    We're lost inside these lies again,
    left to life with the words we never said.
    Between the ends of this battle ground, again...




    Submitted on 2005-09-22 18:00:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with Someones Epiphany on the title thing, I would change that too. Anyways she probably told you all the things ya need to do to make the lyrics better. I also had a thought, in the beginning when you added again to the lines, I thought that was a little off.. Maybe the way I was singing it in my head, but just try to sing it without the again's... maybe it will sound better, or maybe its just me, lol singing it the wrong way..

    Anyways I really enjoyed this.. It was a really good song.. and it entertained me..
    I am sure to add this one to my favorites...

    Stephanie
    | Posted on 2005-09-24 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
      first things first...
    i dont think you can call your song 'sound of silence' as simon and garfunkel have a song of that title already... just something to think about...

    for the most part i like this...
    i like how it doesnt officially have a refrain or chorus... so many ppl make themselves put in some kinda refrain when writing lyrics coz it seems to be the official way things are done...

    your message through this song is very clear and powerfully presented mostly...

    i think i would contemplate changing

    against this world I just disappear

    to against your world just to qualify that there is a difference between the two of your worlds/realities... coz at the moment it makes you sound invisible in this world in which everyone lives but im thinking that you are meaning that it is her that has the different world... the lies she is trapped in again...

    i liked the part about banging on her closet door and not knowing what your waiting for... gives me an image of opening a closet and everything falling out but you are on the other side of the door and are yet to open it and while you know that theres gonna be a whole lotta crap falling out you have no idea what...

    so yup... i would somehow change the name of the song and maybe that line i suggested but on the whole youve got quite a strong song going here... what genre do you plan it to be?
    | Posted on 2005-09-22 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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