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    dots Submission Name: Spring Showerdots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 561
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 890

       I was sad. Started thinking about this letter I wrote on a stormy night, exactly one week after he left. This is what came of that.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSpring Showerdots

    I lie awake here in my bed,
    Hug my teddy tight.
    I wish that you were by my side
    On this dark and lonely night.
    The silence is broken by my tears,
    Falling with the rain.
    Lightning flashes across the sky,
    The night claws at my window pane.
    Thunder rolls through the night.
    A storm is raging in my heart.
    The cracking of my sanity
    Serves to finish what you'd start.
    You promised me you'd never leave,
    You would protect me from it all.
    Why are you in someone else's arms,
    While the rain slowly falls?
    You left me with no hope,
    A lonely, broken, child.
    You raped that little girl inside,
    Her innocence defiled.
    I lie awake here in my bed,
    The rain begins anew.
    I hug my teddy bear tight and cry.
    God, I wish he was you.

    Submitted on 2005-09-23 09:40:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      First off, hi Raivn, sorry haven't been around in awhile to comment and such...been doing a little soul searching...which seems to be what you are beginning to do too.
    Well worded and from a sad heart obviously, recognizing this pain was easy...made me think of a girl I am missing alot myself when I read this work, she too...promised to never leave...but time has a way of making us see things better and love endures much...hopefully you will be feeling better soon.
    | Posted on 2005-09-27 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
      Well we all know how your heart was broken, now we can only hope all is well and your teddy has been replaced with someone new.
    However, do not befriend a good friend like a soft Teddy, when he has already absorbed so many tears and lonely nights. Find him a nice shelf so he may look over you and remain on guard, thwarting off would be heart breakers.
    I know a teddy looking over my shoulder might make me reconsider any moves on my lover!
    I know because there are many already along the bedroom wall at home, and I have to be nice to all of them, the boss sees to it!
    A really great work here and truely well phrased to make its full impact with every word.
    I recomend no changes or alterations, unless you place it in a neat frame beside the shelf!
    | Posted on 2005-09-23 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      Geez, this was definitely sad! You laid the pain on real thick here...one question. I understand "raped" in this piece, but if that's how strongly you feel, I wonder why you want that teddy bear to be him?! That's a very serious change in feelings. Not that there is anything wrong with that whatsoever, it just kind of caught me way off guard. Either way, I do like this piece quite a bit. With the title of this I was expecting something more lovey dovey longing, it was a surprise when I started reading this. Great job!
    | Posted on 2005-09-23 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      Awwwwww... now I'm sad... ~.~ I've had a few nights like this myself.. and they usually end with similar results... a piece of poetry or writing. The only thing you can really do is hug that bear and learn to live without that other person... I know it sounds crappy but it'll make you stronger at least :)
    Good read.
    | Posted on 2005-09-23 00:00:00 | by Childoutspoken | [ Reply to This ]

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