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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Watch Thisdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Silencer
    ASL Info:    25/m/AL
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 52/66/29
    Words: 66
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 982
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 441



    Description:
        hmm...just a little something I wrote up a few weeks ago


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWatch Thisdots
    -------------------------------------------




    Hey watch this.
    An artist is at work
    An obscenity...
    An atrocity...
    A piece of history is drawn...
    written...
    composed...
    Now watch my work form into art from a sentence.
    Laugh and smile with me because I can't stop.
    Word after word brings a new meaning.
    So hey, watch closely as you read this....
    Because the line you read is the end of this.




    Submitted on 2005-09-23 10:20:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      As writers we truly do like having control of the reader's mind and nothing is wrong with doing so. You give us so many reasons for enjoying the craft and extending our thoughts to the reader. Honestly , there is a healing in every piece of art and having the experience of such healing only makes me want to share. I leave you with this idea..

    Great job, thank you for sharing..
    nansofast
    | Posted on 2005-10-10 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      You've captured the feeling that creation brings, as well said by earlier comments. Yes, it is wonderful, regardless of whether it brings accolades or not because it almost always brings personal satisfaction.

    Let's capture some thoughts on paper (or screen) and see what's in that can come out. It's nice to share, but who knows what other masterpieces are still hidden somewhere?

    I found no distractions and detected only happy thoughts in this one. Yes, we will "laugh and smile" with you. Thanks.
    | Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      I took this piece a little more lightly than Nobantu. Not the best I've ever read, but worth the attention, definately. Sometimes in the process of trying to show intellect, a poem can get cluttered and hard to follow, but this was just right. As I was reading the second to last verse, I expected something to pop out at me, silly me, but the last one was humorous in an intersesting way.
    Made me nod my head and remark, "Humorous," rather than laugh, how strange is that?
    | Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by Jeniffer | [ Reply to This ]
      I think McSnow is right, I like the Watch This, without the HEY... either way, tho, it's cleverly amusing and the ending was a pop. Kewl beans!
    | Posted on 2005-09-23 00:00:00 | by grey_girl | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this piece has real potential. It is interesting and pretty fun to read; it also is a pretty witty commantary on art and its creation. I like how it shifts from short to long, fully developed sentances. You also have a nice word set.

    However, I think the poem would have more impact without calling "hey" to the reader (I know this is a small thing, but it is something that stuck out to me). I think there would be more of a direct impact:

    Hey watch this.
    An artist is at work

    So hey, watch closely as you read this...

    (vs)

    Watch this.
    An artist at work.

    So watch closely while you read this...

    In addition, the three periods following many of the sentances are unnecessary. Let the line break do the work for you, don't rely on repeated periods to imply something. Anyhow, great write and thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2005-09-23 00:00:00 | by Mcsnow | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this is such an astute piece, HOW ORIGINAL. I must say I was so blown away when I read through this piece. It is a finely articulated piece and hey it brought a SMILE on my face. It felt much like you know what goes into every artists head when they breathe out a MASTERPIECE. Above all, the greatest pleasure is attained when the entire piece is finished, its like a breeze of fresh air on a HOT DAY. You used simple words, but they say so much ..They converse thoughts that each of us keep inside our heads and perhaps in our souls..Hmmm I so enticed by this marvellous write..Its one of those piece you read and say oooh how come I never penned this one down, but see it this way..You MADE MY DAY WITH THIS WRITE. You write with so much inthusiasm and I appreciated the nature of your piece...it spoke to my soul..It astounds me how much the simplest things can really uplift one's mood and that was the case with this piece...It was such a pleasent encounter to read this write..Its so meticulously crafted because its not cluttered, but sweet to the senses...Hey this was definately my fav verse "Laugh and smile with me because I can't stop.
    Word after word brings a new meaning.
    So hey, watch closely as you read this...
    Because the line you read is the end of this". However, I thoroughly enjoyed the entire piece...So beautifull..
    Thank you for sharing...BE HAPPY, Im happy thanks to this write...Very MOVING...Kindest thoughts...Noabantu
    | Posted on 2005-09-23 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]


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