I was under the impression that you are a devoted christian from your description so the last lines came as I surprise, but I like the humour. Maybe replace the 4th stanza with something like:
And then it hit me, Like the morning sun, I have my loving friend and the fact, That he's mine will never be undone.
Just a quick made up thing, I'm sure you can think of better, but that 4th stanza was the weakest part of the poem in my opinion. It seems to divert from the subject with its forced rhyming. My best advise would be to not force rhyming, it may be better without it.
Don't get me wrong, lol, i like this poem and its a goos piece of writing, you should continue and hope to read some more of your stuff like this.
-That he’s mine is always a jolt- Desperate for a rhyme eh? If you don't have a rhyme don't force it cause it has no profound impact. Besides that i loved it, ur like me tho i just make my "friends" go away even though i don't want to. But thank God that He is always there.
this is bunny cute ><, lol. The 4th stanza seemed kinda forced (it might just be me). But otherthan that thers nothing wrong with it. And I loved these lines "Just as much as God loved us When he sent his only son to save our butt." those wer very original, I like them a lot.
It's alright. When writing I think it's better to use complete words like "you" instead of "u" and stuff like that. It seems to have a much stronger impact on people when you do. Also you should spell check your work, When everything is grammaticly correct people will enjoy reading it better, Other than that you did a good job.
Good Good. The fourth stanze did definitely sound forced, so it'll need some work in some way or another. I like the last two lines as well, nice way to put it. lol. It seemed a bit simplistic, but than again I'm often just a surface-scratcher so it could just be me. But keep on writing. And Keep The Faith!
once again happy little poem to improve it would use more descrpition but that is a lie lkike just the way it is, you know me and oringinality when it comes out it should stay out and done not put back to be messed with, so i guess i am a bad commentor.lol o well peace kevin
Submission Name: My Friend
