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    dots Submission Name: Against Youdots

    Author: josymanthegreat
    ASL Info:    21/m/GA from Puerto Rico
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 337/364/104
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Poetry/Betrayal
    Total Views: 646
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1033

       Just a display of the true power of the game of love and how it can be turned around so fast because the person you love hurts you so much that from then on you just want to get rid of your pain by inflicting it and everything they do you are numb to now so you enjoy the time you get in the game till they realize what your plan is and when they figure it its too late to get out... its a masterpiece... (just a writting)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAgainst Youdots

    Hahaha thought you had won?
    hahaha thought you had prevailed?
    but I got news this is my world
    and what you've done you'll dearly pay

    Thought you could get away with it?
    Thought you wouldnt feel the pain?
    Now I stand in front of you
    Smirking and laughing right in your face

    You seriously were happy were'nt you?
    Just beacuse in the game you were ahead
    Guess what? I've caught up to you
    and from this it'll never be the same

    You take one step
    and I take two
    You try to run
    with what you took

    But it's not that way anymore
    You are locked in the cage
    Its been fun to play against you
    but I'm tired of this game

    So just give it back
    make it easy on you
    wouldn't want me
    to trample over you

    Just like you've
    trampled on my heart
    suffer now the turn is yours

    Submitted on 2005-09-25 11:26:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I can feel your anger my friend its a tragedy when you put your heart out there and its on the chopping block. and you have someone lead you on never once saying please stop but letting you go on thinking you are ok and everything will be ok. i feel your pain. love hands a person broken glass to swallow. thats what this work does for me.
    well done,


    ((there are a few things i had to take out way too harsh im sorry))
    | Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ooooh! This is such a bitter and angry, spiteful poem! I think it is quite a message spoken here and I must say I know the feeling. There is nothing worse than being hurt by someone you thought cared about you and yes, sometimes revenge is quite sweet indeed! I think you express yourself well and definitely make your point with this poem! One spelling correction noted here, "because" in the second line of the third stanza, but otherwise grammar is fine. Hope this poem helped you feel better too cause I know that just merely expressing your feelings can make a big difference. Good write! Take care!

    | Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      i semi-agree. i think poems such as this are better when you include more personal comments. something that is unique for your situation. because if you dont then its just words that have been said before with barely enough enthusiasm to even use an exclamation point.
    | Posted on 2005-09-25 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      here we go again with someone trying to express the pains and misfortunes of a love gone wrong in an original way. this piece is really surface to me, like you just said alot of cliché-ish things and we never really got to see your true thoughts and sufferings. some of the lines are really akward and disrupt any flow that you have going. it's a good effort and a really hard subject to venture down originally. keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-09-25 00:00:00 | by caster | [ Reply to This ]

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