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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Featherdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 25
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 922
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 135



    Description:
       Ok, this one rhymes, shoot me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFeatherdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I want to hold on to you forever.
    I never want to leave.
    I don't want to be a feather:
    a slave to the breeze.




    Submitted on 2004-01-13 09:52:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well, this is short and sweet and very self explanatory. No one wants to be a feather blowing about...though we all might say we do, yet it nice to be anchored to something, ya know? If only just one thing/person. Very vivid and poignant and an honest portait of loving, ya know? Have a good one.
    | Posted on 2005-06-10 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      another gem of a 4-liner... HOW DO YOU DO THAT????? Upper-range 4, I think. Cora's right, 1 & 4 are a touch out of rhythm. 1 has 1 syllable too many, 4 needs one more syllable. The funny thing is, I read line 4 as "A slave UNto the breeze" w/o realizing it. Just had a thought.... a feather in the breeze doesn't fall at a constant pace... it shifts and hesitates... is that what you were going for? If so, please ignore everything else I said! <><
    | Posted on 2004-03-19 00:00:00 | by WorththeWait | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very pretty poem! :)
    | Posted on 2004-01-14 00:00:00 | by hopefloats | [ Reply to This ]
      i love ur poems, they're cute and leetle. I didn't like the first and last line... they didn't fit in the rhythm. But I liked the subject and the analogy, just needs a bit of editing work.

    rating: good job ~Cora Windover
    | Posted on 2004-01-13 00:00:00 | by Cora Windover | [ Reply to This ]


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