Description: this one is about what im asuming is my ex boyfriend. if you read vincent then you already know but if you didnt then this is the story. he told me that his feelings for me went away and we shouldnt be together. but that same day he told me that he still had feelings for me and he didnt know why he said those things and he started crying and told me that he felt like he had lost something special. i dont know where my relationships at right now. im just assuming.
Im confused -------------------------------------------
Make up your mind
Your feelings for me cant be that hard to find
Your excuses are lame
Im going insane
I hate you
But at the same time i love you
Your tearing me apart
Your breaking my heart
There are so many emotions tearing me inside out
Im empty inside
Like a desert after a 10 year drought.
So what the hell are you crying about.
This is very good. I liked how you put "I hate you, but at the same time I love you." It fits perfect right there. I can totally relate, Ive been here myself unfortunately. Shorter than most but its very to the point and yet theres alot of emotion. It explains your relationship in ways that other people can understand and thats a good way to put it into perspective. Im sorry that your relationship might not still be together but at the same time make sure that you think of things from his point of view.. although you may be very angry with him, at least he came out and told you that his feelings for you were gone instead of staying with you longer without those feelings and taking the chance of breaking your heart even more than he did. He was honest and Id say thats a good thing. So Im sorry for your loss and I hope that you made sure to see things from both points of view on this situation! Anyways good right, sorry the "advice" is so long. looking forward to adventuring through more of your work. ~manda~
this one had a rapid fast pace. like i rapped it in my mind as i read it. i've been wanting to read these for the longest and now i finally got the time. i hope u two stop acting like dummies and work everything out.
i really enjoyed this one but i agree with angelic dreamer, line 10 is a bit long and kinda puts the rhyme off balance but other than that i found it emotional and just saying how you feel and that really came across in the piece. well done and keep writting
Nice piece. Sorry that you are having relationship problems...
One point of advice however: You are very good with your rhyming scheme, but watch out for the flow of things. If it doesn't flow well... it's not going to make a brilliant effect. You seem to have done a good job with your flow, except with lines 3 and 10 (the two really long ones). Those can be shortened a bit so they fit much easier. That is if you wanted to do that. How I feel towards things are: It's your work... write it as you want it. :)
Overall, I enjoyed reading this piece. You bring out the emotion with your words. Good job.
ooooooooooooooooooo i love it baby! im still here and i wrote break ur heart! sry that im grounded! ask ur mom if this weekend i can spend the nite bcz my house is being remoldedl and i dont wanna be in da way anyway love it!|~akaila evonne~