Lilies
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Description:
So I wrote this a few months ago when I was at the tail end of an abusive relationship. When I first looked at it again, I thought it was horribly bad, but after rereading it, I started to like it a lot. I'm hoping that it conveys how overwhelmed I was feeling. I'd like to hear what everyone else has to say- compliments or critiques are both appreciated. Thanks for reading!
Lilies
She picks me flowers All over the parking lot That I must stoop to retrieve And guard against the wind. And I wonder if I deserve To have such flowers picked for me, or To fall apart at the scatter of the breeze. She picks me deep-colored flowers, With threads of blue running through them, But I pretend she doesn't Press them against my back. I crouch to recover them, So as not to be seen. She picks me flowers, For acres and acres, Surrounding me for miles, I see her morning glories Turning with the sun, And I wonder if I deserve to have, Or even dream of Lilies. |
Submitted on 2005-09-26 03:53:29 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments
| wow, this is really truely beautiful. its just so sadly hopeful. very skillful She picks me flowers All over the parking lot i like how this starts out as a small idea and then progresses into fields for miles and miles. i wonder if the flowers are a metaphor for the intensity of the abuse, if so thats a great metaphor. sadly hopeful. That I must stoop to retrieve And guard against the wind. And I wonder if I deserve To have such flowers picked for me, or To fall apart at the scatter of the breeze. i love love love this part. i think we all wonder this sometimes... She picks me deep-colored flowers, With threads of blue running through them, But I pretend she doesn't Press them against my back. i like that you add small details into it, making the flower image more tangible and real and beautiful, it really produces quite a reaction from the reader. I crouch to recover them, So as not to be seen. She picks me flowers, For acres and acres, Surrounding me for miles, I see her morning glories Turning with the sun, And I wonder if I deserve to have, Or even dream of Lilies. the end is so sweet. just sadly hopeful. thats the only word ive got. some things will just echo through your mind like that. beautiful, truely. *wendylee | Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by girlunderglass | [ Reply to This ] | nice way of conveying any feeling of sacrifice that one might have for another, u can relate this to love or friendship or anything... nice way to look at things really, good job | | Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by ax2x3m | [ Reply to This ] | |
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