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    dots Submission Name: Don't Wake Me When It's Overdots

    Author: HurtDeepDown
    ASL Info:    24/F/OHIO
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 165/161/42
    Words: 164
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 936
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1076

       Just got in a fight with my boyfriend yesterday. It's the biggest one we've been in so far and it just made me feel like the biggest bitch in the world. It's over and done with and we're still together but at the time I was mad and wrote a little something. Comments are welcome:)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDon't Wake Me When It's Overdots

    I drench this horrid feeling,
    I hold so deep within,
    I'm just about to let it go,
    empty my guilt and sin.

    God might think it's stupid,
    and I'll feel so good inside,
    until I realize what I let go,
    and I'll become what I despise.

    A stupid bitch or gay ass hoe,
    who ruins people's lifes,
    so I'm sorry for ever caring,
    or stopping by at times.

    You make me feel so ugly,
    insecure and steep,
    so tell me why you let me go,
    and put me down so deep.

    I'm feeling cold and shooken,
    oh God I'm insecure,
    I can't find a reason for shining,
    Oh God, I'm so unsure.

    Don't wake me when I'm over,
    I don't want to feel alive,
    I'm sick of feeling anger,
    that hides this deep inside.

    Drench me in a river,
    where no one can ever find,
    so I can drown in it forever,
    and let my death be blind.

    Submitted on 2005-09-26 16:56:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I can really relate to this one
    This is exactly how I felt about myself before I cleaned myself up and kicked drugs
    This is a really deep write
    I hope and pray you can find peace
    Look to your heart and let it guide you
    You are too nice of a person to let negativity bring you down
    God Bless

    And Thank You for the recent comments
    I always enjoy hearing from you
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I relate to the feelings so much. I understand completely how it must have felt for you when you wrote this. Although words like "shooken" don't actually exist :P, it doesn't take away from the poem at all.
    Nice work
    | Posted on 2005-09-28 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm a guy so I don't know how you feel really... I haven't been dumped and I haven't dumped anyone. I have my first love still who I still think is heaven, but, there is something else. Like what if what happened to you happens to me also. I'd prolly feel the same way because I love this person so much, but what ever. This was awonderful write and I found it very good. better than most but anyway. THNX

    - Nammy
    | Posted on 2005-09-27 00:00:00 | by Namlooc20 | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked stanza five the best. it was human and was obviously from somewhere real... often in writing we try to make everything perfect and just right but i find that raw emotion is what makes poems like this one good... that's what i liked about this poem.. the emotion and how you really wrote what you felt and didn't try to make everything perfect.
    | Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by kataclysmic | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm sorry that your and your bf had an awful fight. I hated fighting with my bf, and I was glad when the fighting was over...which is really strange because we broke up and yet we still fight...so yeah. Really odd, but I'm glad you and your bf are still together.

    As for the poem, it was well written and your emotions were clearly displayed. I can relate to this poem, more specificaly I can relate to this part: (except for maybe the gay ass hoe )
    "A stupid [censored] or gay ass hoe,
    who ruins people's lifes,
    so I'm sorry for ever caring,
    or stopping by at times.

    You make me feel so ugly,
    insecure and steep,
    so tell me why you let me go,
    and put me down so deep."
    I hate it when my bf had made me feel like I was ugly, and I always felt insecure around him. Great write though. I wish you the best of luck.
    | Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by juss_kriss | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the deep emotion you put into it, but you could have been a little more clear on what you were trying to not wake from. Other than that a really good write ... I really hope that you will continue to post your poetry on ES!
    | Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by unforgiving05 | [ Reply to This ]
      Awesome writing. It reminds me of my own style I know how you feel though, I've been in that position many times. Lol. I like your rhythm. I only noticed a little typo:

    "Who ruins people's lifes"

    Should be lives. LOL. But, other than that, this was definately a friggin' awesome poem. I'm glad I read it.
    | Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by Lil Nick | [ Reply to This ]
      That's kind of sad. I can sort of relate... I've felt this way too many times. I really like the way you wrote this. The wording is very creative. I'm glad it's all over and done with now though. You always express yourself wonderfully. Very nicely done. As always, Great job


    Ooo your picture just reminded me... I'm going to a My Chemical Romance concert in October. I forgot all about that. Yay... how exciting lol Have a lovely evening. Byeeee
    | Posted on 2005-09-26 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]

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